Gam-Anon, family and friends of Gamblers addicts Options

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Hi,

It is a very hard topic for me. I kind of know it for a long time. But I mostly dont talk about it. Not at home, not with others.

My husband is a gambler. As I always had my own income, I just let it go. I would get anger that he was not helping with the expenses, but I would cover them myself and let it go. A few times I tryed to approach with him that he had a gambling problem and his reaction was always anger and denial.

After years letting it go, I finally found myself in big debts last year, as I not only took the responsibilities of my home, but also thought I could help some other family members. When I start to cut back everybody turned against me , including my husband.

After a tragic event last year that got me in depression and almost back drinking (I am a sober alcoholic, he also is), I could never work the same. I used to have 2 or 3 jobs. Crazy ahn?! Well, I have just one since last year. And with bills piling up, my husband finally start to put some money together.

Well, 2 months ago I won a lawsuit agains an old employer and his behavior is going back to same.

He lost a big deal this last 2 weeks and informed me he can not "help" with house expenses anymore. Yes, he thought he was "helping". It did not cross his mind that the houses expenses are at least "our" expenses.

I feel hopeless and lost. It is been already a trial to keep myself out of alcohol and I just don´t want to carry the burden of all houses expenses on my shoulders never more. My plans include to work part time next year, not full time and not another job and not expend everything till last coin with others and be looking for money to do somethings I´d like to.

I tryed to divorce several times. I always end up giving it up and hoping things gonna be different this time...

Just lost. Thanks for listen.

[Guest_jennifer_*]

i understand completely...my husband is a compulsive gambler; it is ruining our marriage. his attitude and behavior are bad, he sneaks around, and yesterday, for my birthday, he spent our rent at a casino...you can imagine my anger. and its like you just can't get through to him...he has ruined us so financially, that i couldn't leave if i wanted to. it is a very selfish disease, and i feel as hopeless and alone as do you. i wish you my best, however.

Hi,

It is a very hard topic for me. I kind of know it for a long time. But I mostly dont talk about it. Not at home, not with others.

My husband is a gambler. As I always had my own income, I just let it go. I would get anger that he was not helping with the expenses, but I would cover them myself and let it go. A few times I tryed to approach with him that he had a gambling problem and his reaction was always anger and denial.

After years letting it go, I finally found myself in big debts last year, as I not only took the responsibilities of my home, but also thought I could help some other family members. When I start to cut back everybody turned against me , including my husband.

After a tragic event last year that got me in depression and almost back drinking (I am a sober alcoholic, he also is), I could never work the same. I used to have 2 or 3 jobs. Crazy ahn?! Well, I have just one since last year. And with bills piling up, my husband finally start to put some money together.

Well, 2 months ago I won a lawsuit agains an old employer and his behavior is going back to same.

He lost a big deal this last 2 weeks and informed me he can not "help" with house expenses anymore. Yes, he thought he was "helping". It did not cross his mind that the houses expenses are at least "our" expenses.

I feel hopeless and lost. It is been already a trial to keep myself out of alcohol and I just don´t want to carry the burden of all houses expenses on my shoulders never more. My plans include to work part time next year, not full time and not another job and not expend everything till last coin with others and be looking for money to do somethings I´d like to.

I tryed to divorce several times. I always end up giving it up and hoping things gonna be different this time...

Just lost. Thanks for listen.

[Jen]

I am a newly sober alcoholic (about 5 months) and am dating another sober alcoholic (he has 3+ years) who also has a gambling problem. I didn't know that the gambling was a problem going into the relationship, but quickly found out and tried to tell him to stop. Due to the circumstances of his living situation he moved in with me, which was intended to be temporary. But then my roommate moved out so now it’s just us and he has started paying for rent. When my old roommate moved out, I told my boyfriend that he could not gamble if he lived with me because I cannot afford rent for a 2 bedroom apartment on my own and do not want to deal with that insecurity.

This was ok for a while, but today he gambled. At first I was very angry and upset. I can't fathom why someone in so much debt already would do something as stupid as gambling. I told him he should start thinking about where he’s going to move.

Then at a meeting tonight, a women mentioned something about a “resentment prayer,” she called it, which I found on pg. 66 - 67 of the big book. It talks about how those who have wronged us are “spiritually sick” and reminds us to say to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”

When I got home, I repeated this prayer over and over again, as well as the step 3 prayer on pg 63. I feel better about the situation now; though I still think I will make him move out after April. I really don’t want him to move out, but I had set boundaries and feel I should stick to them. I don’t want to be a part of his gambling problem; I don’t want to be an enabler. I know I have no control over whether he gambles or not now or when he moves out, but at least I won’t be a part of it if he’s not living with me. Do you think I am doing the right thing?

Also, I am trying not to “future trip,” but can’t help wondering, if I do this, when do I let him come back? And I worry about finding another roommate as well, but I really do know everything will be ok and work out the way it is supposed to if I have faith and take the next right action.

[krissy]

I am a newly sober alcoholic (about 5 months) and am dating another sober alcoholic (he has 3+ years) who also has a gambling problem. I didn't know that the gambling was a problem going into the relationship, but quickly found out and tried to tell him to stop. Due to the circumstances of his living situation he moved in with me, which was intended to be temporary. But then my roommate moved out so now it’s just us and he has started paying for rent. When my old roommate moved out, I told my boyfriend that he could not gamble if he lived with me because I cannot afford rent for a 2 bedroom apartment on my own and do not want to deal with that insecurity.

This was ok for a while, but today he gambled. At first I was very angry and upset. I can't fathom why someone in so much debt already would do something as stupid as gambling. I told him he should start thinking about where he’s going to move.

Then at a meeting tonight, a women mentioned something about a “resentment prayer,” she called it, which I found on pg. 66 - 67 of the big book. It talks about how those who have wronged us are “spiritually sick” and reminds us to say to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”

When I got home, I repeated this prayer over and over again, as well as the step 3 prayer on pg 63. I feel better about the situation now; though I still think I will make him move out after April. I really don’t want him to move out, but I had set boundaries and feel I should stick to them. I don’t want to be a part of his gambling problem; I don’t want to be an enabler. I know I have no control over whether he gambles or not now or when he moves out, but at least I won’t be a part of it if he’s not living with me. Do you think I am doing the right thing?

Also, I am trying not to “future trip,” but can’t help wondering, if I do this, when do I let him come back? And I worry about finding another roommate as well, but I really do know everything will be ok and work out the way it is supposed to if I have faith and take the next right action.

>>I totally know how you're feeling. My husband is a gambler, we've been married for 5 years, with 1 son. He hasn't worked (due to being laid off) for over a year. . . but has continued to gamble. I am a teacher, and have supported the family, but unfortunately we don't work in the summer, neither is he. .. . so even without the gambling this is very stressful, but then to add that on. .. I just want to be done. He is in fact out right now, since last night. . .. . . still not home. I tried to change my password on our bank account so he couldn't access the money, but because he knows my pin, he can call and transfer money to his account. I am so sick of it. I wish there was a nice happy answer for you, but unfortunately we can't control them, or their gambling. A lot of people get better, but if you guys are just dating, and already this is happening, I think you're right for telling him to move out. . . . and who knows what will happen in the future, that is always my fear. . . do I leave, or tell him to leave now, just to have him come back in a month or two or 3, or even a year, but to end up doing the same thing. . . . I feel as if it will never end. I'm sorry, I know this is definitely not a pep-talk. . . but I am always so positive, telling myself it will be okay, just keep working, trust my husband. . . etc. . . but now I feel like maybe it's not going to be okay, and I can't trust him. . . in that case, it would be easier to go our separate ways then to have to worry about all this . . . . I hope that someone with lots of experience and knowledge will respond to these posts, to give us some insight. . . . I wish you lots of luck and strength. . . . take care. . .