hi guys,

i've been thinking about something that has always held me back from doing things, and i noticed that this emotion controled an awful lot of what i would do and the way i would react.

for as long as i could remember i have been scared to do things, ie go into shops alone,talk to ppl i didnt know, confronting ppl....i even avoided ppl who would be what i called( not my kind of person) and the reason for all this was FEAR.

i'm starting to learn that fear is something i learned very early on in my life....and this in turn made me feel that the world, ppl weren't safe for me.

so i isolated myself, and created my safe little world and if anything would upset my apple cart i would be all over the place for weeks.

i've also realised that when i get angry, its mostly because i am scared to talk about how i feel and afraid to confront ppl about the way they have treated me...so instead of speaking in a calm manner.....i was stright out there with the aggression, because thats how i expected them to react...which made me look like a right nut at times, cause ppl would say"gosh, i never realised she was so agressive" what they/I failed to see was that i was scared.

now whenever i am angry, i try to look at why i am angry, normally its because i am hurt and afraid to say that i am hurt.

being honest with ourselves and others is an important part of recovery cause without the ability to be honest with ourselves and others the program wont work.

love in recovery,
irish