hi guys,

today i feel like i'm on an emotional rollercoster.

i've been weepy all day

something my hubby did triggered something from my past and for the last two days i've been angry and resentful and didnt know why.

anyway i went to my therapist today and told her how i was feeling and we talked a little about why i felt the way i did, and i decovered why i've been so angry and resentful.

my hubby unintentionally triggered off how worthless i was made to feel as a kid/young adult.
how i felt like i wasnt listened to/taken care of.

its so strange that something that happened 13 or more years ago can be triggered off by something that happens in the present.

part of recovery is becoming aware of what our triggers are.

learning to recongnise our triggers is a big step to keeping us grounded.

love in recovery.
irish

Today I went to my mother's house. She called me this week to ask somethig and I went to give it to her.
I have not been much there since it use to be a threat to my sobriety. And today I saw it is still not good to me to be around.
Growing up, she was never there emotionally for me and as adult I became the resources person, nothing more. Now she has her own resources and does not need my paying things anymore, what is very appropriate as I do not have the conditions I had before.
It is still a trigger to be around her knowing she careless for whatever is going on with me, specially now that knows can not count on my money. But she is still judging me and emotionally away from anything that has to be with me.
Reading what I am writing here I can see I used 3 times the word still in a few paragraphs... is it saying things are still between me and her?
To protect myself I have been walking away from her. It hurts too much to get close.
But was somehow nice visit. With all this contraditory feelings. I know she believes she does care and she had done it all for me. And to my sobriety I have to just accept her in full. I am not a kid and I do not live there anymore. Now we are just two adults with our own lifes.
To find ACoA was a new begging to me. I searched net for more information and want to find a f2f meeting to go.
Thanks Irish for start this forum, you have no idea how much you helping.

Lucia

hi lucia....
sorry i didnt reply sooner,
my flaming broadband was on the blink :-)

i so get where you are coming from, i had issues for years with my parents.....my anger and resentments of them was so bad that i ended up in councling when i was 20....
thankfully after months of councling i realised that they too were victims of there parents alcoholism.
i never looked at it like that before, cause i knew nothing about alcholism...even though i lived with it all my life...

they say kids live what they learn...well that was cerninly true for me.....when i was old enough to go out with a guy i picked one that i was comfortable with....another alcoholic....

thankfully for me and him he got sober....and i started to learn about doing things a more funtional way.....but i still had acoa issues.

the strange thing is, that now that i have forgiven my parents....its my family of origin that i have big problems with....cause try as i might to stay in recovery....they still want me to be the co dependant, fixer....all round miss nice girl i always was.

but since coming to acoa that just isnt me anymore.....my life is focused on me.
where it should have always been.


thats a hard thing for me to do....but hard as it is, i am happier for it.

love in recovery,
irish