I have been with an alcoholic for nine years and over the years it has become more and more intolerable. I can't say that I am innocent when it comes to drinking alcohol, but I don't feel I have the problem that he has. Sometimes I feel like I drink just to deal with it. It gets so old. Sometimes I wonder whether I am still in love with him or not, but I do feel like I care about him deeply. I just get so turned off by his actions. He has no regard for himself at all. His personal hygiene has went to pot. I don't feel attracted to him anymore, but I can't see my life without him either. I'm very frustrated and confused.