Growing up I was a very lonely kid.
Reason I am bringin all this up is because I am trying to understand the child in me and see if I finally grow up!
I spent the last 2 days the same as my last weekend: crying and hurting. I had to deal with lies and I wanted so bad to understand and to forgive, but I had no chance to. Yes, I wanted to be the old me, accepting whatever crap only because fear so much to lose again. Someone said to me I should not feel like I was feeling (worthless) and I agreed but add: anyway, thats how I feel.
Been AA and ACoA I thought of all destructive behaviors, but I also had the tools to go through and get to the other side.
Coming out of my clouds, today I decided to have a good day.
I went out for lunch. I bought flowers and scents to the house. I did things I like. I got my papers in order. I just decided am not seating here waiting for reality to be different than what it is. The feeling of loss is the one I always fear, and life have been suplying me with lots of it. But was a sunny day, from my table on restaurant I could appreciate the Palm trees and think about so many times I seat there and did not see them. Today I was open to see the world outside and move on.
The nature was beautiful around me. My animals are health and happy. Earlier tonight a friend stopped by to bring me a dessert, unexpected, and we chat a bit about spirituality and recover. As hard as it is, I have to stick with my gifts and accept my losses.
Full Version: Moving On
QUOTE(looking for @ Mar 26 2005, 08:04 PM)
Growing up I was a very lonely kid.
Reason I am bringin all this up is because I am trying to understand the child in me and see if I finally grow up!
I spent the last 2 days the same as my last weekend: crying and hurting. I had to deal with lies and I wanted so bad to understand and to forgive, but I had no chance to. Yes, I wanted to be the old me, accepting whatever crap only because fear so much to lose again. Someone said to me I should not feel like I was feeling (worthless) and I agreed but add: anyway, thats how I feel.
Been AA and ACoA I thought of all destructive behaviors, but I also had the tools to go through and get to the other side.
Coming out of my clouds, today I decided to have a good day.
I went out for lunch. I bought flowers and scents to the house. I did things I like. I got my papers in order. I just decided am not seating here waiting for reality to be different than what it is. The feeling of loss is the one I always fear, and life have been suplying me with lots of it. But was a sunny day, from my table on restaurant I could appreciate the Palm trees and think about so many times I seat there and did not see them. Today I was open to see the world outside and move on.
The nature was beautiful around me. My animals are health and happy. Earlier tonight a friend stopped by to bring me a dessert, unexpected, and we chat a bit about spirituality and recover. As hard as it is, I have to stick with my gifts and accept my losses.
Reason I am bringin all this up is because I am trying to understand the child in me and see if I finally grow up!
I spent the last 2 days the same as my last weekend: crying and hurting. I had to deal with lies and I wanted so bad to understand and to forgive, but I had no chance to. Yes, I wanted to be the old me, accepting whatever crap only because fear so much to lose again. Someone said to me I should not feel like I was feeling (worthless) and I agreed but add: anyway, thats how I feel.
Been AA and ACoA I thought of all destructive behaviors, but I also had the tools to go through and get to the other side.
Coming out of my clouds, today I decided to have a good day.
I went out for lunch. I bought flowers and scents to the house. I did things I like. I got my papers in order. I just decided am not seating here waiting for reality to be different than what it is. The feeling of loss is the one I always fear, and life have been suplying me with lots of it. But was a sunny day, from my table on restaurant I could appreciate the Palm trees and think about so many times I seat there and did not see them. Today I was open to see the world outside and move on.
The nature was beautiful around me. My animals are health and happy. Earlier tonight a friend stopped by to bring me a dessert, unexpected, and we chat a bit about spirituality and recover. As hard as it is, I have to stick with my gifts and accept my losses.
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hi looking.
sorry i havent replied to this sooner.
its hard looking back at the kid you were....i know i found it very painful.
have you tried this site. www.coping.org/
theres a grea peice on the inner child and anger and a heap of other emotions.
i'm glad you had the tools to pull yourself back from the negitive thinking....as negitive thinking is very distructive.
its good that you were able to enjoy your day afterwards....reading your post i could nearly imagine you sitting outside a cafe looking at all the palm trees in the sunshine lol i was so envious of you, cause ll it does here is rain ,rain, and more rain lol.
hope all is well with you.
love in recovery.
irish
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