I am Marrying the man that I love next month. I am excited and scared. I am 22 years old and I feel lucky that I have found someone so wonderful, but as wonderful as he is he is only that when sober.
My fiance is a crack addict as well as alcoholic. He is active in meetings and was sober for almost 4 years when he relapsed in December. He went "balls to the wall" when he relapsed. It wsa a six day crack binge and he spent almost 10,000 dollars.
I was completely devestated, and I wasnt going to stay with him, but he went into an inpatient treatment center and he really wanted to show me that he didnt want that life. So I am giving him that chance.
I have forgiven him, although the trust is still very much broken. I cant help but wonder almost every day Will it just be a disaster? Is love enough? I dont know the answers, but I am taking that chance to find out.
Some people say that a relapse is essential for recovery, but they never say how many. I am just looking for hope, hope that I can have a beautiful future with this man despite him being an addict/alcoholic. Is it possible for him to stay sober?
--Hopless

:

well katie, if you still have the chance it is important to understand what you are getting into, the relaspes can happen throughout the marriage. it has happended to me three times in four years. you should give it some time to make sure he is sure about recovery. othewise, the marriage can be up and down. take it from me.



unsure:

now is the time to take a look at what could happen often during the marriage. if you are willing to experience those feelings then you should prepare. i am not saying that recovery wont be consisitent, but i knew also about things and i jumped right in. now after almost four years i have gone through three relaspes once a year. my advice is to give him some time to make sure his sobriety is stable. attend alanon and set some parameters quickely.
good luck.

Hi Katie,

I am not sure if I am too late to share, being that it is next month - I am new tonight.

I just turned 31 & am married to an alcoholic less than one year. We were married in September 2004. I had my blinders for quite a while, never admitting to his alcoholism being the typical codependent, but less than two months into our marriage I almost lost him permanently.

My husband was laid off in the morning of Nov. 8, and went straight to the pub with his coworkers who were laid off too, and continued to get wasted. I was at work when he called me around 9am. Still in shock, I just kept in touch with him throughout the day, making sure he was ok. I got home from work & he was passed out, tried to get him up and get something in his stomach, assured it had been hours since he had eaten anything.

To make a long story short, he ended up throwing back quite a bit of prescription meds, an attempted suicide around 10:30p that evening, and I was the one who found him and called the ambulance. The emergency crew assured me he wouldn't make it.

He did - he was in a coma for a few days and in ICU for about a week - then off to a regular floor and the psych ward which he believed was a bunch of crap. He was sober for about 60 days eventually after many run-ins.

Now I am just shy 7 months pregnant with our little girl, and he is back to his old tricks, getting wasted & feeling bad - I don't know what the future holds. I am tapping all my resources and in the end all whatever is best for this little blessing I have inside me - still not knowing what that will be.

The reason why I am sharing this story is hopefully to make you think - your life is so precious too, don't just settle. I hope this helps.

Take care,
Colleen

Hi Katie!
Yes it is possible for him to stay sober. But relapses do happen. The program works if you work it. It will always be a one day at a time process. My husband was sober for almost 7 years and he relapsed for about 6 months. He is sober now and I thought was very strong in his recovery before but he is now working the program again, going to AA meetings and doing what is right. You need to find a local Al-Anon meeting and work that program for YOU. You can't fix him but you can find a way to deal through Al-anon. The Al-anon program has helped me SO MUCH.
Please take care of yourself and take the time to think things through before you jump into anything. We are powerless but you can talk to a power greater than you as you understand Him. Let go and let God.
I wish you the best. There is hope.
Needfaith