Hello,

I am 33, female adult child of a chronic alcoholic (my mother). She has been sober at one point for 12 years (her support moved and she fell off the wagon), since about 1980 or so she has been an on again off again functioning alcoholic.

I have not dealt well with it either as a child or adult. My answer was to move as far away as possible and have minimal contact with her. I have moved back to my home town to be closer to my parents and my husband's parents and so that my kids (almost 10 and almost 7) can see their grandparents. My mother is still drinking and I am trying to have my kids and myself have minimal contact with her but this is difficult as we live in the same neighbourhood, literally around the corner from her and my father.

I am not sure what I am looking for but feel the need to reach out and make contact with others that have had similar experiences.

Thanks for 'listening"

Hi NightWind

I am also ACoA (Adult Child of Alcoholic) and it is very difficult for us to set bouderies, but yes we need to do.

You seem to be doing pretty well.

Alanon will help, and also ACoA meetings and boards, like one we have here.

Nice to meet you

Lucia

hi nightwind.

i too am ACoA.....and alanon too...we can never get too much help

i know what you mean about wanting your kids to know their grandparents.

i'm in that situation too, not with my parents though, with my brothers.

i would like my son to know my side of the family, and i'm willing to allow them to have contact with my son....because its important for my son to know his family.

but so far every time i give them a chance, they trash my boundries and we end up at square one again.

cause i point blank refuse to allow them to step over the boundries i have set down.....
they are what keep my life sane!

have you been to any of the acoa/alanon meetings yet?

love in recovery.
irish

As of yet I have attended no meetings or any type of councelling. I am a very shy and private type of person and don't express myself well when speaking and on this subject usually get so emotionally worked up that I literally can not speak. I talk with my hubby but he has the same advice over and over...which is sound advice but I am also afraid of rocking the boat.

I am going to tell her point blank that while she is watching my kids there will be no drinking and no smoking in my house. I will also have her car so unless she walks into a vehicle while drunk I can at least be assured that she won't be driving my kids. She is an easy to spot drunk and I will know if she has been drinking while I've been gone. I know I really shouldn't trust her with the kids but I am also strapped as there is no day care facilities for full time care during the summer and I need to work. My husband WILL NOT tolerate her drinking around the kids and will tell her off in no uncertain terms but I feel that the initial battle is mine to tell her that alcohol will not be tolerated.

I think for now I will stick to online help.

Thank you all for the warm welcome. Perhaps from here I can get the courage up to attend an actual meeting somewhere (I don't really want to attend in my own town but I may have to as the other meetings would entail a half hour drive).

If you call Alanon or ACoA, someone would arrange to either go to a meeting with you or meet you there. Everybody I know is fearful about going to their first meeting. I know I was.
But once you get there, the people you meet will welcome you with open arms.

Go for it . You've got nothing to lose and much to gain.

Love & Peace,