My husband & I have been married for almost 3 years and together for 8 years. All of which we drank together for about 5 years. Until after we married because I had realized he is an alcoholic. I couldn't go out with him to the bar or anywhere anymore. I couldn't stand watching him drink until he could barely walk. So much has happened in the last 3 years. I figured if I quit drinking, maybe he would also. Not likely since I am not an alcholic. (I also thought this was a phase...due to when we were in our early 20's.) Time went on..last year we had a baby boy...the light of my life. My husband drank away my pregnancy...was rarely there to support me. 8 days after our son was born he left me to have an all nighter at the bar...and it hasn't stopped, it's worse. It's been 7 months. I love my husband so much...but I can't draw him back. I feel like I am losing him to the alcohol. Other than my son, he is my world, I just adore him. I don't know what to do or how to help our marriage stay together. I tell him that I love him. Yet he stills leaves. Does anyone have any advice? I will greatly appreciate any.
Thanks!
Paulina

Dear Paulina,
My Experiences are a little different from yours. This is my first time logging on or experiencing anything with Alanon.
What we do have in common is our husbands are alcoholics, we love them dearly, and we need support too. Seems the support from others expierencing simiular things can help.
This is a second time for me to be married to an alcoholic. I would like to refer to my first marriage since I had my two children with him and you can probably relate to those circumstances better. My first born was my son also. I was only 17 when we married, 18 when I had my son. For me I realized we were in deep trouble when my son was 7 mo. old and my husband was not stopping, he wasn't even slowing down, his drinking/and drugs increased!
I did a lot of praying, continously, daily, weighed the situation and started to make decisions based on my childs needs first. Since I felt the situation was affecting the baby, we separated. I explained the partying was ok till we had a child to be responsible for. Looking back I know I did the right thing but I also learned I didn't realize the drinking was actually an addiction for my husband and he couldn't stop, at least not without help. I told him at that point, I would support him 100% if he would go get help. If he didn't I thought it would be best for me to take the baby & go a different direction on my own. I gave him as much time as I thought he needed, and I made several appointments...unfortantely he chose to continue his addiction I chose to take the baby and leave. We did get back together because I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. His addictions continued, he refused to get help, I left when my daughter was 7 mo. I got divorced. I raised two healthy children on my own who have become two very well rounded adults of whom are now 25 and 23 yrs old.
That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make because I did still love him dearly.
It can be done if you have to make that choice. Everyone's situation is different but for you and your child's sake don't think you're stuck because you have a child together. By all means support your husband if he gets help but also, do what is best for you and your child at this point. Weigh your own situation and make some decisions. Only you can figure out what decisions you need to make.

My current husband had a history of alcoholism and wasn't drinking when we met. He told me of his problem when we talked of marriage.
He lasped on the promise to God, himself, his sponsor. He's had problems off & on for a year or so but not constant. We've been married almost 4 yrs.
When I learned of the last episode I suggested we contact our minister and ask for a referral for help. That's how we contacted a treatment center.

I've learned with him sometimes addicts can become addicted to anything. He has chosen to get help, has gone through detox, been in the hospital through that and is currently going to rehab meetings 3 x's a week, (one of which I attend in a family support group), 2 mandatory AA meetings a week. It's a bit of a roller coaster but he's doing it and he's doing ok. I will support him 100% as long as I see him trying.
I told him I will support him... I will not support his addiction.
I feel each person needs to weigh their own situation and make their own decisons based on the needs of the people involved.
Sorry I seemed to have gone on with so much but I hope I've helped you somewhere with all that you're dealing with. Know that you don't have to make the same decisions I did but there's people out there to support you in whatever decision you make!
I will add you, your husband and baby to our prayers.
Sincerely,
Donna