HI,
I am an alcoholic adult child of alcoholic.
Doing the steps, I was in step 6, when had to get back to 3.
Sometimes i get pretty mad at God or Higher Power or whatever we call this power greater that allow so much injustice and pain and suffering ... sometimes i just can not accept, not to talk about understand... Of course there is a power greater than mine or I would not lose so many times!
Been an over responsible ACoA I tried so hard to do all the things I was supposed to or that I thought I was supposed to, just to fail and find out, big part of things I was doing like it was my obligation, well, it was not, and by thinking and doing so I overhelmed and overload myself to the point I just could not keep with it all and end up negleting something that yes, was my responsibility. The guilt feeling is many times unbeareable.
Now I am trying to clean up the mess and bring life to a manageable place. but sometimes, I think isn't it too late?
Amazing that even been angry, desappointed, frustrate, insecure, fearfull, all this feelings I have been going through, prayer and meditation always help, don't matter how mad I am at God or how little I understand of its decisions. And do I like it or not, to accept I am not in control, there is a Higher Power and I have to live with that!
Thanks for let me vent.
Lucia
Full Version: Sought Through Prayer And Meditation To Improve Ou
QUOTE(looking for @ Apr 17 2005, 08:57 AM)
HI,
I am an alcoholic adult child of alcoholic.
Doing the steps, I was in step 6, when had to get back to 3.
Sometimes i get pretty mad at God or Higher Power or whatever we call this power greater that allow so much injustice and pain and suffering ... sometimes i just can not accept, not to talk about understand... Of course there is a power greater than mine or I would not lose so many times!
Been an over responsible ACoA I tried so hard to do all the things I was supposed to or that I thought I was supposed to, just to fail and find out, big part of things I was doing like it was my obligation, well, it was not, and by thinking and doing so I overhelmed and overload myself to the point I just could not keep with it all and end up negleting something that yes, was my responsibility. The guilt feeling is many times unbeareable.
Now I am trying to clean up the mess and bring life to a manageable place. but sometimes, I think isn't it too late?
Amazing that even been angry, desappointed, frustrate, insecure, fearfull, all this feelings I have been going through, prayer and meditation always help, don't matter how mad I am at God or how little I understand of its decisions. And do I like it or not, to accept I am not in control, there is a Higher Power and I have to live with that!
Thanks for let me vent.
Lucia
I am an alcoholic adult child of alcoholic.
Doing the steps, I was in step 6, when had to get back to 3.
Sometimes i get pretty mad at God or Higher Power or whatever we call this power greater that allow so much injustice and pain and suffering ... sometimes i just can not accept, not to talk about understand... Of course there is a power greater than mine or I would not lose so many times!
Been an over responsible ACoA I tried so hard to do all the things I was supposed to or that I thought I was supposed to, just to fail and find out, big part of things I was doing like it was my obligation, well, it was not, and by thinking and doing so I overhelmed and overload myself to the point I just could not keep with it all and end up negleting something that yes, was my responsibility. The guilt feeling is many times unbeareable.
Now I am trying to clean up the mess and bring life to a manageable place. but sometimes, I think isn't it too late?
Amazing that even been angry, desappointed, frustrate, insecure, fearfull, all this feelings I have been going through, prayer and meditation always help, don't matter how mad I am at God or how little I understand of its decisions. And do I like it or not, to accept I am not in control, there is a Higher Power and I have to live with that!
Thanks for let me vent.
Lucia
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hi lucia.
i remember not so long ago telling someone that everytime i got to step 4 i got lost and had to go back to step 2....i did that for ages!
it was being in councling for the crash and acoa that made me understand more about recovery.
cause for some reason unknown to me i just couldnt get a handle on the steps, maybe it was the fact that i felt like i was auto polit after the crash.
i too used to fight like mad with god, asking him why on earth he would let bad things happen to good ppl.
i even used to bargin with him lol
i think i thought of god in a different way to the way i do today.
today i think that the one responsible for something bad happening is the person who caused it to happen....cause we are given freedom of choice.
like yourself i was THE RESPONSIBLE ONE!
and i resented the hell out of being the respncsible one, the one who fixed, manulipuated, controled....so that life would be some segment of normality.
even long after my family needed me to fix there stuff...i went on fixing...it was like i became addicted to it....that i knew how to fix it all and they would just make a mess....
and through my fixing/manulipuating/controling my family became so dependant on me, so much that i couldnt walk away.....because i felt like they would go under without me fixing their stuff
( i must have thought i was some woman lol)
today i am so grateful for acoa/alanon......cause i have my own life back without having to fix/manulipuate/control anyone any more.
for the first time in my life i am free!
love in recovery.
irish
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