[FONT=Times]Hello Friends. I found this sight after lots of internet research. Seems the support I'm looking for isn't going to come from my husbands family so I'll extend my branches and ask for some one to please validate my concerns and broken heart.

For 20 years I have pretend the alchohol problem in my husbands family wasn't an issue I couldn't deal with. Now I have kids and I can't deal with it. I hit my low at a family gathering when I insisted in an undeniably annoyed tone that "This is ridiculous the lack of consideration we give to others in this family". Not in and of itself a bad statment but my husband helped to clarify that for everyone the next day by telling the Alchohol is a problem in the family and we and our children have kept a lot of hurts and disappoints to ourselves for 20 years and now they've hit a peak. The response back was "I need to lighten up. The only reason I see the family as having a drinking problem is because I don't drink enough". The last gathering resulted in a complete melt down my my toddler children when dinner wasn't served by 8 and the drinks were still flowing. And, I had stated at the beginning of the evening we needed to leave by 7:30.

A long story short I truly do have my wonderful husbands support but his fears, disappointments and anxiety are obvious to me. He knows we are justified in our reaction but you can see his concern in the hurt his family is also experiencing through this and he knows he will get no support from his siblings. If I had to guess I'd say he wants to keep a relationship with his family and he could support me and the children not being able to do that. But he knows that will be tough.

Bottom line....know what's killing me....they've got me questioning myself.... maybe they aren't alchoholics????? They drink until they are silly and stupid, every time we are together, they have no repsect for each other, they don't support each other in a way that defines family to me...and yet I wonder, was I wrong? Is it me?

I am left holding the bag as the bad guy, again I have my husbands support but I see his pain too.....No one has spoken to us in 2 weeks from his family. I can't believe his mom doesn't value her grandchildren more...

Your thoughts?

Good morning, Sad.

Please don't question yourself. After reading your post twice, i can see "they" have a problem, not you. And you know something else, you aren't going to be able to change them. You have to change yourself. The way to do that is find an Al-Anon group in your area or online.

I sure wish i could help you more, but i'm a recovering alcoholic myself. But, i also live with an alcoholic. I know how tuff it is. I just wanted you to know that there IS help out there for you.

Please look into Al-Anon. You will find lots of support and advice there.

Good luck, Sad. My prayers are with you.

Robin

hiya,
yes, you can get through this.
robin's response to you question is on the mark.
alanon is a 12 step program begun by the wife of one
of the founders of AA. i have seen it help so many people.
i soundly second robin's suggestion and recommend that
you and your husband look into this as soon as you can.
just put alanon.org in the address bar and go from there.

you will meet people that understand how you are feeling,
and know exactly what you are talking about when you
express your concerns. and they do have a solution that
has worked for countless others (that anonymity thing
kinda makes it difficult to quantify some things. chuckle)

the main thing to know is that, yes, you can get through this.
and yes, you can be happy with your decisions. it's ok to set
boundries and have reasonable expectations for civil behavior.
unfortuntately, most of us when we are drinking are not quite
so enamored to civility. particularly should it interfere with our
drinking.

really, check out alanon. there is hope. and that's what you
brought with you when you came here. they can help you
learn to fan that into an enduring flame.

yours in fellowship and service,
don

Thanks Don and Robin for sharing your thoughts...I will look into a meeting for sure. Sadly, after 2 weeks my mother in law called yesterday and acted like nothing happened....here we go again....Iknow this pattern!

Don't question yourself and yes, find a meeting! I can 100% relate to the sitaution because like you I have a MIL that is an alcoholic and 2 of her 3 sons are as well. My husband and I currently attend alanon together and can tell you that atleast for me, alanon is a good place to be.

I can relate to the "jokes" being made towards you. In our "family" they all think it is hysterically funny that at holiday meals we are the only 2 at the table not drinking alcohol. One year my MIL said "it's a good thing you guys brought soda because all I have in the house booze". My deadpan response to her was "and you're proud of that because?".

I understand how difficult it is and again I will tell you that alanon is a wonderful fellowship for people in our situation. Step by step, if you are open to it, you will learn the tools you need to be healthy in an unhealthy environment. It's a place where there are others like you and me, and together you work towards a place of serenity for yourself. Good luck in your situation!

Peace,

J.