Back in October my dad was admitted to hospital and finally admitted that he had a drink problem. Since october he has been dry and I was so proud of him. Over Easter through other people I found out that he had been drinking again. I was so upset that he couldn't tell me himself. When I asked him about this he said that there was loads of factors as to why he went back on the drink. Once of them was that he felt he wasn't getting enough support from me, this really hurt me. My sister and brother have completely washed their hands of him and now it feels like i'm on my own with no-one to turn to. I trying to encourage my dad to stop drinking again but part of me feels that everything he says to me is lies. Its been a week since he told me that he fell off the wagon, he says to me that he hasn't had a drink and has booked to see a drink counsellor. Part of me think now that no matter what he does I cannot trust him. I need advice or any help through people experiencing similiar problems

thanks

my dad has 11 years clean in narcotics anonymous i was 10 when he stopped using and trust me when i say he tried so many times before that. it took support and and tears and love my brother still won't talk to him. you know what though...my dad only stopped using when he did it for himself.not for me my brother or my sister..e mail me at zxplaygrlxz@aol.com...much love-claire

Hi,
I was really touched by your story. My dad, sister, & son are all alcoholics. My dad & sister have 10 & 6 years clean, respectively, my son has almost 3 months (he's in a rehab now.)
Two things, please, please, please don't let your dad "guilt" you about his drinking. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! You did not put a gun to his head and force him to drink!
Also, since you are not responsible for him drinking, you cannot be responsible for keeping him sober. He has to do this for himself. I spent alot of time blaming myself for my son's drinking/using, although we have had an alcohol free home...I am learning that he and he alone is responsbile for his using.
My son had 13 months of sobriety at one point, then he relapsed. My sister had several peroids of sobriety, was in rehab twice, a halfway house once, before she finally got sober. She is really involved in AA. She says that she doesn't know if she could stay sober without AA. She's doing great now, she's married to a great guy, has a good job, is buying a house...
What I'm trying to say is there is hope for your dad. I think the best thing I have done in dealing with my family is to just be there. They know that I love them, however, I can't try to work their program, and I can't live with the drinking/using.
Anyway, hope this helps. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
Kathy

Hi Kathy

Thanks for your reply. You hit the nail on the head when you say it was like my dad making me fell guilty for not supporting him enough. I think half the battle is making myself realise that no mater what I do to support him the decision has to come from him. Its just learning to accept that you have to live your life. I have always said to my dad that I would be there for him no matter what and I think he realises that and sometimes uses it to his advantage.
Im going to a place in Manchester on thursday that hopefully can give me advice and how his drinking is effecting me.

Thanks for your words of encouragement, they meant a lot to me

Hi Macca,

I am an alcoholic and Adult Child of Alcoholic. I found out I can understand a lot about myself and help myself attending to ACoA meetings. We have a forum here and you can read the ACoA laundry list and other good posts there... We ACoAs spend lots of time and energy trying to fix and control things around us... Alanon and ACoA bring us to understand we cant and to focus in our own recovery.

Hugs,
Lucia