I am seeking help for an extreme addiction problems that has taken my life practically; or it is going to. I am 32, single; grew up around addicts/alcoholics and didn't know the difference. Now I am one. I am a professional and risk everything. If I don't have my drug of choice, I will find something; it has to be something. I don't recall ever being "just myself" since I was forced to smoke weed for the first time at 7 by a family member. I have done marijuana regularly since 13; now it is cocaine or meth in any form and have tried all routes. I am ashamed and going crazy inside myself. I can not say "no" no matter how long I tell myself I will; if I don't seek it out it finds me and that is it. I tried rehab and they kicked me out after 5 days due to my insurance. I know that is what I need. I really need to be locked up to face many mental issues. That is not an option right now and I am scared of myself!Please help me.

Hello hopeless! There is hope! When I got sober I had already been admitted into treatment 5 times, staying for a different length each time. I was 22, a stay at home mom, married to a successful engineer. To me, treatment had seemed much more 'socially acceptable'. I didn't want to be an alcoholic that had to go to those meetings where everyone whined about things. I eventually got sober through AA, and have stayed sober for almost 2 years. I got willing to honestly seek out help. I had finally come to the end of myself, where nothing was working and I just wanted to die. I would recommend going to a meeting in your area. Online is a good start, but I think face to face is where the miracles happen. I used to go online to meetings while I drank and used because I 'kind' of wanted to stop being miserable, without actually having to stop using. Go to a meeting and say that you need help and get some phone numbers. Chances are, there will be women there who share many of your same experiences. You can sure email me anytime.klnaugle@mtech.edu

Woe, ask and you shall receive.... OK. I was a mainline user of Coke/Meth and had depression/ADHD/HepC and was insane. I OD'd 3 times, went jail numerous times, 5 same treatment centers and I got clean.

I was SO DAM tired of "FEELING" like that. I'm smart, I read, I listen.... I knew how. The desire was more powerful than any other desire and I WAS impulsive.
I Still am. Physically, I could not be seen in public, no doubt. I do work now in a highly PUBLIC JOB.

I forgot to follow my own rules of recovery and relapsed on Pain Pills lately which was a huge eye opener. After nearly 5 years of NO DOPE of any kind other than those required to keep me alive. PAIN is my adversary and you get a bunch of it doing what I did. I was also seriously abused/ raped/robbed and ran from one dangerous man to another. Somehow, ( this is amazing) I don't look like anyone who ever did what I did but, I'm nearly 15 years older than you.

I had a desire to STOP feeling like that. It takes time to be proud of it. Go to NA meetings where there is some sobriety. TELL someone THE COMPLETE truth of what you are doing.... A Doctor, a Shrink, therapist.... Better Yet.... All Three. ASK for help. You can't do it alone. Tell those closest to you what the signs of your illness are.... ( Tough one I know) If they use.... RUN LIKE HECK!!! Stay away from users, dealers, places where they go..... THINK!!!! You sound Like you've got brains... USE THEM!! ASK YOUR GOD to help you too!!

I hear the sound of someone like me. God sent us here within' a short time. I'm glad I tried it.