Hi,
I am a 50 yr old female living in MD and married to a alcholic, I need help. I love him dearly, he was my soulmate. He didin't drink for about 10 years then one day he started again. He drank every weekend and got wasted. He was mentally and physically abusive at times. About a month ago he admitted he needed help. He did real good for about a month. Then he started again.
I don't which way to turn He says he loves me dearly but why does he treat me like I am no one, as if he doesn't care. I'm afraid to say much to him because he jumps back at me. I can't say anything with him starting a argument, but he has not gotten physically abusive again so far, just verbally. I want to keep our relationship together but how can I ?
I have no one I can talk to, family member or friend

Thanks for listining

Hi Kitty,

I learned that verbal abuse is also a terrible thing. It gets our self steem down.

My boss has been abusive for some time. With words, excessive demands, pressions, treatenings.

I start build bounderies and get myself back.

Today she came pressing for going back in same behavior and I stood up for myself, what is very difficult for an ACoA and alkie like me, but I did, regardless of if it would cust me the job.

And it feels good. A serene trust that there is a HP and he does not want me to accept unacceptable behaviors.

To change, learn to build bouderies and find serenity , we need support. And let me tell you: a group support. Because no human being alone will be able to be there always. But a group can.

I am very grateful I have AA and ACoA in my life today.

Have you been to f2f Alanon meetings? I am also married to an alcoholic and I did some alanon meeting. It is great!

12 step groups work. Get yourself a home group and work the steps. You can not control him. But you can take care of yourself. do it. You have right to be happy.

Nice to meet you here. This site is helping me lots too.

Hello Kitty,
It is very hard to deal with alcohol in your life. The alcoholic does not realize that it affects the whole family. You need to concentrate on you and I know that is hard. Please do not deal with the abuse any longer. I have been there and done that and it is not fun. Try AlAnon. It has helped me with past and present problems. He does probably love you but its usually a control issue. And it is very hard to take "the net" out from under him but you will eventually have to. Please take care of yourself and I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless,
needfaith

Dear MD

Keep going to the meetings and work on yourself, get a sponsor (someone you relate to), and keep coming back. Its very hard for me to detach without being out of the house. Staying in it only makes it worse for me. I lived with my still drinking father for about a year. I was saving for my mobilehome after leaving Southern california. This man was very abusive. I attended three meetings a day and left one night when I could not take it anymore. He was nicer for about a week. He is 86 and is still at it. I understand him as a person and I have a better relationship with him. But for me I have to limit my time around him. I learned how to set boundaries with him as well. Something he wasn't acustomed to. Take care! This program works.

Susanne