Hi,

This last month is been a big time on my recovery.

I came to realize that I was mostly wrong on my doings and perceptions.

It turned out that instead of the one in control I thought I was, I was a messed up mind trying to control me and others lifes.

Lately I could see how I worked to make my life unmanageable. How I did not prize the goods in my life, including the real love. And how I kept running for something else somewhere else and never could just enjoy the day I was in and what I had right there.

How to cope when you realize that life was so generous and you just could not accept it because did not grew up and was still a baby lost in some corner crying for rescue knowing it would not come and anyway there is no monsters at the house?

Is it too late? I regret the years I lost and the losses I cause, the pain I create and impose to others. But there is not a thing I can do about my past. I hope I can come out of the insanity and do the best I can from here on with the knowledge and skills I am bulding now.

hi lucia,

well done on the awareness that you have obtained

for me once i became aware of what i was doing, my life started from that moment.
i too a long hard look at myself and tried to make amends to the ppl i hurt or let down with my dysfunctional behaviour... after i did that i stopped beating myself up over it, because i have no control over the past or future.
all we have is the here and now, and its what we do now that really matters.

its never too late to live life as it should be lived, well at least thats what i believe.

when i look back on my life before recovery, its like looking at some movie of a messed up person and so hard to believe that, that person is who i use to be.

recovery made me feel real, honest, happy with myself and others.
thats something i never thought i could have ever achieved.


love in recovery.
irish