:D Hello everybody!
I just wanted to let you all know that I have been attending al-anon faithfully and my husband is now sober!! :) Al-anon works if you work it. I was getting really discouraged because this site was the only al-anon I knew about and no one had responded. At the time, I was having a pity party for myself, I suppose. But I found a local group and started attending, working the steps, reading my Courage to Change and my little blue book and things started working in my life. I was and still am working the program. I don't work the al-anon program for my husband to get sober, I work it for my sanity and serenity in life.
Well, I just wanted to get that off my chest.
Thanks for listening,
needfaith B)

Why did your husband stop drinking? ...and how?

Hi Meme!
I suppose he stopped drinking because he knew that if he didn't it was going to get him. I would like to think that it was because I started working the program to learn how to deal with it and he has said that with me joining Al-Anon he realized that his drinking was affecting me also. He thought that he could drink and no one would know and that it wouldn't affect anyone but himself. Well, I didn't even let him know that i knew until about 6 months into the relapse. He was shocked. But i started going to Al-Anon to better myself--not him. It was a blessing that he quit and I don't really know why he quit. I would like to credit myself but I can't. It was he that made that decision and it is he that gets the credit for realizing he had a problem and doing something about it!! I just thank my HP that he saw the light. My problems haven't left me though. It is easier but I still have to work the steps and the program so that I can have serenity in my life. One day at a time.
I hope this helps you on your question. May God bless you.
needfaith

I just found this web site and I have been unable to get to my meetings due to me car being down for repairs. I have been hanging out in Alanon for a long time and sometimes I forget what its all about. That is why the meetings work so well. Thank God for this web site and the chat sessions. It has helped me stay sane. My exhusband is still drinking, but I was with him for twenty years of it. The guy I am with now is just so alcoholic, but isn't drinking. Guess He's dry. Maybe. Just awful at times. To the newcomers - Hang in there. It makes you better. not necessary him.

You are right. It makes you feel better--not necessarily him. Al-Anon is for you. To help you live life on life's terms. It has been a true blessing for me. There is a such thing as being a dry alcoholic. Not drinking--but still "out there". I think that is just as hard to deal with sometimes.
If you are a newcomer--hang in there and work your program--the 12 steps. it will get better.

Here we are again. we always have sober weekends and this week, we had an extra 2days. but today, here we are again. no comments or excuses. Not that I want to hear any. It feels good to have a place to vent.

You don't always have to have comments or excuses, just as long as you get it off your chest. Everyone needs to vent. The sickness we acquire from this disease makes us even more sick if we keep it within. That's my case anyway. I have to talk about it somehow. Sometimes I've been known to go outside and talk to the squirrels or birds or whatever is out there!! I guess I'm nuts or something but it helps me just to get it out. Before I found Al-Anon I always thought people would judge me for staying in it and the animals can't judge you. So I talked to them. My dog probably thinks I'm crazy just like everyone else but the way I see it, Whatever works. But at least now I have Al-Anon.

Guess I spoke to soon. no sobriety going on here today except me. feeling mighty low.

I don't think you spoke too soon. You had a good day before and that was a bright spot in your life. Hold onto that. Just remember, you can not fix the other person, just work on yourself. You can be happy with or without someone else's drinking or non-drinking. I know it is hard to comprehend that. I've been there and may be there again someday. Just take one day at a time. Don't try to fix the future--it's not promised. Take one day at a time--live for today. If you can do or find one thing positive in today then you have succeeded in doing at least one positive thing for yourself today. That, you will be able to feel good about when you go to bed tonight. When I wake up in the mornings, I just ask my HP to help me to have a good day and if it's not a good day--to help me to do the right thing to get through any negativity that might come my way. And if I am able to keep my head together and follow through with my request, then that is worth it to me.
Hang in there, try to remember that you did not cause the alcoholic in your life to drink and you can not stop that person from drinking. We are all powerless over alcohol. I know that last sentence is a pretty strong sentence, but it's true. We want to control, but we can't. We are also powerless. But if you work on you, don't enable the other person, MAYBE they will see that they truly have a problem and they will decide to help themselves. But in the meantime, you help yourself. Regardless if it has an effect on the other person. It may be effecting them and you may never know that it is. But do this for you and you alone. You can only work to fix yourself--never someone else. That holds true for anybody--no matter what the situation. Hope this helps to get you out of your "low".

I just don't want my kids to think this is an ok way to live. I don't want them to think they have to tiptoe around their significant other. we are having another alcolholic night. no talking. I don't ask because I don't want to hear every aspect of the day except the obvious. i am still feeling low, but it feels good to have people to talk to. I just want the others who are taking it day by day to keep the faith, you probably have someone like me at home who cares so much.

I just found this web site also, I have been in Alanon for 18years. I went there to help my alcholics, but instead I found a new way of life. I found that I could make my own choices and also understand the consequences behind my choices. What a concept. Life is great because I don't beat my self up, like I used to. But I do have to say that, even after all these years, I still, sometimes, go back to my old ways. Well, I'm not perfect, and that's okay.

good Luck and remember, your higher power doesn't give you more than you can handle.

Hello!
Thank you "needfaith" for this uplifting post here! And to everyone who's written here. I got much out of reading all this!! I am new to this online alano club, but have attended about 7 Alanon meetings locally, and am part of a food addiction online group. My partner is an active alcoholic, and it has taken me a long time to come to terms with that. After a few weeks of working this program (on and off, it is hard!) i started to see positive changes in him. He asked about AA, he was discouraged about it because he's tried it before and hated it, but he inquired and wanted my opinions. (which i wouldn't give:-) not like before anyway! where i tried to control and change him)...

Since then I feel like I've slipped back into some old ways, and am again trying to control him. I feel like maybe I started taking credit for that pending change in him, and wanted it to happen on MY time! Which was NOW, or soon!! My sister is visiting us for the week, which is perhaps why I'm putting extra effort again into trying to change him (obsessing on it, w/ eye-rolling, snide comments, letting him know i disapprove in him and am disgusted when he drinks...). I'm embarassed of his problem. Or, rather, disease. It's embarassing to love an alcoholic (afraid people will wonder what's wrong with me!). But, if they do wonder, I guess I could answer "well, a lot of things are wrong with me--and i'm trying to face them!" :-)

Anyway, I am so glad this exists. I work a weird schedule, and can only make one Saturday meeting a week, but right now I need more meetings than that. Thanks for this great discussion, for sharing your successes! I will be back here soon!
All the best,
Jessica