yes I am new here but I had too find some one too talk too about my husbands drinking and I am dealing with things and I am looking farward in life and my husband keeps bring up things that has in the past when he drinks alot and I think that is one reason why we fight alot and he nows he has a problem but I love him I was thinking about buying a recorder and recording him and play it back too him when he is sober and I dont now if that would help or not so please help me I no there is others out there that are like me and is in the same boat I cant leave him because I have done that so often that I am sick and tired of running I just want too just stay put will That is all I have too post tonight so please post if there is anyone that is in the same boat as I am thanks for taking time on reading this

Hi, Julianna. Welcome to the forums.

There are many, many people out there in the same boat as you -- husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, relatives, friends of alcoholics. It's tough.

Hang out here with us. There's an Al-Anon forum. I'd also suggest visiting the Al-Anon World Services web site and maybe find out if there's a meeting near you: http://www.al-anon.org. Al-Anon has helped many people.

As for whether you should record your husband's escapades, well, that depends on how you think he might react. I can tell you from personal experience, having been the drunk in a relationship (I've been the sober person in a relationship, too), that shame, guilt, and so don't work very well on alcoholics, except for a few hours or days. An alcoholic has to want help, has to want to stop. Sometimes it takes losing all for that to happen, sometimes it doesn't.

In the meantime, there's no reason you can't take care of you!

Hi Julianna,
I have only been in Alanon for a month and a half. Your situation sounds similar to mine. My qualifier is/was my boyfriend. I was constantly wishing I could video tape our arguements so he can see what he was saying and doing and I can prove I wasn't the crazy one. I don't think it would have helped it just would have been one more thing I would have tried that failed. We are no longer living together or even in the same state. As much as it hurts to not be with him I know I have to use this time to focus on me. It took me awhile but I finally got a sponsor and I just finished my first step. I have learned a lot about myself in this past month and a half, most of it I learned just by listening to others share. I don't have any real suggestions for you except attend meetings it always seems to clear my head.


Laria[/B]

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Hey there,
I read your story and I can relate.
My husband drinks too much and leaves me and our two kids worried and frustrated.
I have left more times than I can count!! I am tired of putting myself through it as well as my kids. I try to tell myself to just endure, it will pass and will get better.
I sometimes wonder who is more dumb, us or them. Jk
The only remote advice I could offer is what I am doing now to get through nights like tonight.
In the back of my head I tell myself to keep a goal to get financially stable to where if I decide to leave again I won't ever go back. My reasons for staying are financial and love.
Im going to school to get a better career. Once I graduate, I will take it one step at a time. But I will not leave again until I'm ready to move on, physically and mentally.
hope this helps
-jess

p.s. I video recorded my husband in his drunken stupor to show him when he's sober, when he saw it he just said" I know how I am"-He has been in rehab more than once so he took it well. If I did that before he went through rehab he would not have taken it so well.

I thought that I was the only one out there that was living like this.My husband drinks almost every day and spends every cent he has but doesn't help me with bills or anything for the kids.Since a family moved in by us and the husband drinks every day,things have gotten worse.I have kicked him out but he bangs at my doors and windows and constantly calls.The next day he gets one of the kids to let him in and then I can't get him out.He does not hit me but he says alot of hurtful things and calls me names.He can't even take the kids anywhere without getting runk and someone else bringing the kids home.I really want him to leave us alone but he never does and then he uses the charm to make it all disappear but I am tired of living like this and have no one to talk to about it.I feel so alone and ashamed that I have let it go on this long,I don't want my kids growing up with this as there childhood memories..I don't know what to do

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Well I can tell you your not alone. What you need to do is go out alot with your kids. Take walks with them (that gives time to talk with them and see whats going on with them) Go to parks, do free stuff with them. If he comes back you leave without saying anything. Do you have family or friends close by you can go to in a situation???

My husband is the same, he doesn't hit me but he brings up the past and hurts me worse with his words.
You can't allow yourself to listen to it. You don't deserve it.Thats when you go for a walk.
I know it's easier said than done and I sometimes forget in the moment.
I'm so glad I found this site incase Im unable to get out I can go here.
Its important we get strong and realize we deserve better.