I tried posting this in the main lounge before I found this page. I think that this is a little closer to what I am looking for. I am very new to the entire world of NA and AA. I have been dating a man for almost 10 months now. He was clean for the first six and then relapsed. He has not been able to get back on track with his recovery since that time. He stopped going to meetings because in this area the members seem to be very judgemental and there is a lot of gossip and so on that goes around. It is a fairly small community. I am trying really hard to be supportive of him, but I am afraid I am enabling him to continue. I don't want to seem like a big nag and ask him about ever little thing, but I have no trust for him due to the lies he has told to cover up his using. I would really love any advice that you could give me. I don't want to turn tail and run, but I have a daughter and he is really making things miserable right now. He doesn't like to share with me very much how the program works so I am a little lost in all of this. I am just reaching for anything to try to salvage the relationship that we have. It started so beautifully and I really think it could be back there. Thanks for letting me whine .

Hi, poseysgirl. Welcome to the forums.

I would suggest trying Nar-Anon:

http://nar-anon.org/index.html

"Nar-Anon is a twelve-step program designed to help relatives and friends of addicts recover from the effects of living with an addicted relative or friend. Nar-Anon's program of recovery is adapted from Narcotics Anonymous and uses Nar-Anon's Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. The only requirement to be a member and attend Nar-Anon meetings is that there is a problem of drugs or addiction in a relative or friend."

If there is alcohol involved, then you might try Al-Anon:

http://www.al-anon.org
http://www.ola-is.org (online outreach)

We have an active Al-Anon email meeting here at the club. You can subscribe here:

http://www.onlinealano.org/html/meetings.html

It's tough living with an addict or alcoholic, or addict-alcoholic. I've been on both sides of that type of relationship. The thing to do is get help for yourself. That doesn't mean, necessarily, leaving the person. It just means that there are actions you can take to live your life rather than being consumed in a second-hand way by the alcohol or drugs right along with the addict, or alcoholic, or addict-alcoholic, etc.