I just relapsed after 5 years clean, Hard. DOC was Cocaine and Meth. ( yeah, I know). Relapsed on hydrocodone.

Live in VERY conservative smaller community. Got depression, PTSD, ADHD and a good job and a messed up financial life. Oh yeah, and another non-operative illness too.

AA meetings have no one among them who I can really relate to. I have OK support system and a powerful desire to STAY ALIVE. Anyone know what I am talking about?

I OD'd three times but, I'm still here. My HP has a great sense of humor.

Hi, Doorena. Welcome to the forums.

I think the NA email meeting at the Club is fairly active. You can subscribe here:

http://www.onlinealano.org/html/meetings.html

Hi Doreena -
I relapsed after 11 years. Hmmm.
I don't go to NA meetings because (around here anyway) NA people just don't seem happy! I choose to attend AA meetings and have been open about my drug use. If people don't like it that's their problem. Most folks are very accepting of me as a fellow in recovery, and in less than three years, I have enumerable friends, am respected in the fellowship, sought out for advice, and am President of the Triangle Club, which facilitates 30 recovery meetings per week.
I forced myself to get outside my usual shell. I met people whom I respected, and did what I heard and saw them do - I welcomed newcomers, became friendly, worked to remember names, and offered my services to the Club. I did things that needed to be done (trash, sweeping, scrubbing bathrooms, etc.) without being asked. If I saw something and thought, "Someone should do that..." I became that 'someone". It all got me out of my own thoughts and worries, and allowed me to focus on what is truly important in my life and for my recovery.
Speak up at several AA meetings and let them know how you feel - that you don't think they can relate to where you're coming from - you might be surprised how few "pure alcoholics" there are. Most of the old school AA's who friggin' flipped out at the mention of any drug besides booze, have died out or are now so deaf they can't hear much. Hang on to your HP and enjoy the ride , sweetheart!

Hi, thanks for responding. Look, the WAY I did drugs ( any way) was so frenzied and horrifying that I still remember the awfulness of that creature.

I relapsed because I forgot my program still had to come first and that keeping secrets was a way to kill myself. But, there is nowhere to TALK about what I did.
I no longer can afford $105.00, therapy sessions. My therapist admits he never knew anyone like me. So does my shrink. Seems to keep them determined to help me live and function. I like that about them.

I suppose most who were like me are dead or not functional enough to do the internet. How scary is that?

Enjoy the ride? I like that idea. It's good talk. My family, won't forget what I was. They always treat me different. sigh. Guess I deserved that one.