[I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS ANYONE TO TALK TO ME I AM STRUGGLING PRETTY BADLY

there are always other recovering addicts to talk to, you just have to be willing to find them. looking online is a great start, it cuts the mile between us all to mere bytes. if you are strickly NA you can see if there is a listing in the phone book or, if you are also, AA you can find them there too. I know it seems hard to do but, you have to push yourself to get out there and get recovery to work for you. I have done the face to face meeting and have used the online stuff to jeep me going.

I have been there in the wilderness and you have to want recovery more than you want to drink and drug. Sometime you just have to tie a knot, put one foot in front of the other and keep on truckin'.


Build yourself a strong foundation something that won't be swept away at the first sign of rain.



good luck.... Kjoe

[font=Arial Black][size=4] Each and every day is a struggle for me so I can releate to what your going through.
I've been addicted to one thing or another for over 20 years. I started self medicating at the age of 9, looking back I realize I did it to mask my fear and numb myself from feeling pain. now at the age of 47 (and looking pretty damn good for that age ! ) I find myself still having problems dealing with or being able to feel emotions, being diagnosed as manic bi-polar helped bring some understanding of why I act the way I do, but more was and still is needed. It is only through this forum that I can reach out fearlessly to others and you need to give yourself a great deal of credit for doing so,DONT STOP!!!I personaly had to stop beating myself up with the guilt that comes from my constant relapsing . The hardest thing I had to do was openly admit that I was an addict , and as an addict it's part of what I do. Hold on to your compassion, and have some for yourself. the greatest high I ever had was during a period of sobrieity where I was a recovery speaker and went to group homes for at risk youth. the first time a kid told me I made a difference, that he never wanted to go where I did , I was given a new perspective. I realized everything I had gone through was for a reason. we seek that good feeling, that immediate gratification, I gain the most strengh when I can make a differance to another person, a positive difference. Even if its just for a moment. Dont let your EVIL TWIN win the battle. evil twin

Hi Evil Twin

Thanks for post. I need to *hear* it. I am also very good in beat myself up and have to get rid of the guilt and work on compassion. Thanks for your message of hope.

Hugs,
Lucia

Lucia , it is really awesome to hear from you and give yourself a great deal of credit for your on line efforts as well as all and anything else that helps you to maintain a sense of compassion and humor. the only thing that keeps me from looking back on my years of addicted behaviour has pathetic is being able to accept that I am an addict , and as an addict there are things I do I'm not proud of. I have however learned a great deal about raw human emotion and how people handle problems. I have also come to terms with the fact that everything happens for a reason. SHARE YOUR STORY at least once with someone, for me it was recovery speaking at "At risk youth programs ". The first time a 12 year old told me I made a difference it was not only the greatest high I ever had but I realized WHY I went through what I did, Why I burried so many others but Im still here? SO that maybe, if only for a moment I can make a difference. And thank you for making a difference with me , if only for a moment "EVIL TWIN"

Thanks Evil Twin!

I am an alkie, I never did the other drugs out there. When I was 19 years old I lost a close friend in an accident caused by his use of drugs and alcohol. I was drinking heavy by then, and I was so lost I wanted to do drugs to. Another friend of mine had it and I asked him. He did for me what you did for that 12 years old. He told me from his heart. He was still using, and unfortunatelly he died few years later without never acchieve sobriety, but he was so generous and caring, he told me all he knew of it and how it was destroying his life. But in that times, everybody would tell me that it was ok to drink... Just one doctor told me I was na alcoholic and i had to stop drink. But he was so far from know it from the point of view of us, who are addicts. It is totally different when we share with others our commom problem. If I had ever tryed drugs I would be addicted because I have and addictive pattern. The 12 steps programs I am in help me to accept who I am and step by step I can improve and stay clean.

Thank you for being here. Hugs,
Lucia

hi how are you im here if you need someone to talk to. im struggling too but some how i am manageing to hold on.