I knew what the truth was. And based on it I took distance and kept working my program of recovery.
But sometimes I would wonder if I was not misjudging.
Growing up in a disfunctional family I developed a lot of fears, including the fear of the truth.
When my father died in consequence of his alcoholism I could no deal with it. I tryed to lie to myself that he was just travelling. Of course, I knew I was lying to myself, but was kind I needed that lie till I could face the truth.
Doubt the truth and try to keep illusions have been one of my trades.
After hours of talking and after a lot more games played we finally came down to a truth. And once again I feared I could not deal with it. But I can. It is such that no friendship is possible anymore, although I am not holding resentments. Last night I had to deal with my fear of abandonment. To dettach with love is one of good tools of life I learned in Alanon. We can still love, but we do not have to lie to deal with the pain.
Today I am grateful for the programs of recovery I have, AA and Alanon/Acoa. I am learning how to live a new life. How to give value to what is real and live in the now instead of trying to control people and time.
How do you deal with truths that can hurt? I used to avoid them. Now I am trying to deal with them without make up stories.
