[B][FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][COLOR=blue] When my husband was active with his drinking at home, he always blamed me and the kids for it. He moved out on Monday, promised the guy he is staying with that he was going to stop drinking, take care of himself, and learn to love himself again. I really hoped that he was going to do it, but without meetings, a sponsor, and counceling, didnt have high hopes. I figured he would do good for a few weeks, then slip, well he only stayed sober for 3 days, he slipped last night. To make matters worse, he screwed up at work, my 17 yr old son works at the same place, and he just left, went to his friends house and passed out. He left the guys stranded with only 3 people to cover the shift, and everyone kept asking my son where his father went, my poor son didnt know what to say. We have always been the ones he blamed for his drinking, well, he cant blame us for this one. My little ones, they are 8 yr old twins, miss him so much, they want to talk to him all the time, but then when they get off the phone, they fall apart, so I decided that it's not healthy for them to call him, they say to me, mommy, daddy hasnt called me, can I please call him, and to comfort them, I usually allow it, but as far as i'm concerned, from now on if he wants to speak to them, he will call them, and if he doesnt, it's his loss. He hasnt even made a single effort to see them, he is only 5 minutes away, and hasnt seen them since he left, they are struggling. Why does my husband blame his family for his using? Is it that hard for him to look at himself and admit he is the one doing this? Both of his parents died from their drinking, his sister is an alcoholic, doesnt he see that were the ones who support him, encourage him, love him, and always try to help? I am so angry, he can do no wrong, but were to blame for everything. He knows he has a problem, he has been drinking, and in trouble for it for years. He is still on probation for his last dwi, almost 7 years ago, in his lifetime, he has already had 10. He gets off in January, and a judge might give him his license back, what is wrong with these judges? I am so confused, and feel very hurt, and very angry. I am tired of being the bad guy!!!

Hi Mom,

Are you going to Alanon meetings in your area? Did you get a sponsor? Are you working your program of recovery?

The disease of alcoholism affects the whole family and we all need help.

Your husband is also an Adult Child of Alcoholics, ACoA, for what you say (alcoholic parents). He needs help, but it is up to him to look for it. It is not your job.

You are getting angry because he does not do as you wish. Well, he is another human being, he has his own issues, he has his tough things from the past to deal with and he has this disease that we alcoholics knows how powerful is.

Now he moved out. He is not there to blame you, right? But you are still there blaming him, trying to control, following what he is doing, making decisions of what he should do and how he should behave.

He is over 21? He can live on his own. You may not like what he is doing, but if you keep revolving your life around him even after he left, you better take a look in yourself.

Your kids will survive. Things are not going the way they want to. You know, a lot in life is like that, do not go the way we think it is supposed to.

Help your teenagers to find an Alateen group that they can go and get support from.

About the young ones wishing to call... I sugest you let them call. Why do you think that forbiden them to call will be better? Who do you want to punish? Who are directing you anger to?

Anger is a gun, it hurts and kill. Do what you need to get rid of it and live a health life. Try Alanon in your area, get a sponsor and work your program.

Peace