I was co-dependent for a long time without know it. Back in 1997, I had a friend who was going to both AA and CODA meetings, she invited me to CODA and I said no, I am not co-dependent, and everybody is somehow dependent of another one, I meant we are social beings, right? And so I avoided CODA meetings. Now, I can see it would have helped me as my behavior in relashionships used to be as described patterns:

1) I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.

yes, and I would be constantly disapointed that my dedication did not have the recognition I thought it deserved...

2) I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.

I would not asked, and than get angry that did not give me...

3) I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

I thought my fear of change was loyalty...

4)I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

At one time I was taking care of 4 familys! I thought I had to help everybody... thats lead me to almost financial bankrupcy. When I start withdraw from all the committments I accept over the years, they reacted angry, but with time, I could see everybody survived on their own and had some opportunity to grow some selfsteem. My over care was not helping, was enabling them to rely on me instead of look for own solutions.

5) I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.

Hey, got a lot to work on this one yet

6) · I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.

Yep, that was me. Don´t wonder alkies and addicts were my favorite matches. Still are but I have the sober ones in my life now. And doing AA steps I see that although I had not being to CODA meetings I did a lot of improvement in my co-dependence behavior. The 12 steps work! Doing my 4th step in AA I found out all this patterns that I have been describeing here in this post. I have been taking care of them: did steps 5 to 8 and I am working in doing amends now.

I am glad to discover what CODA is. I was in denial when my friend invited me. Well, I had to stop drink to stop blame the world for my own behavior! But, of course, many CODAs are not AAs and will benefit of this great 12 step program.