I am horrified. I better try Alanon.

I am a recovering addict with almost 18 years clean and sober. Both my husband and I ended up our using years addicted to heroin, but there were a lot of different substances abused on our way down there. Anyway, 4 years after I got clean, he joined me in sobriety ... we got married and many good years ensued.

To my horror, he has been abusing Robotussin cough syrup. He seems to be in full fledged relapse mode. I know about the Robotussin, but now I am getting all codependent and freaking out about every other possibility. Naturally I am terrified about other drugs for many reasons, not the least of which we are (have been) living a "middle class" life style, own a house and a business, have payrolls to meet and a daughter just moving out and into college. I am very scared about what is going to happen financially.

Besides the financial fears, of course I am not even capable of dealing with this man who speaks to me with terrible slurring, drives like a drunk, and has dime sized pupils - all the while berating me for my lack of trust and faith in him and volunteering right and left to take a drug test.

He did have a bad chronic cough and may have fallen into chugging a full bottle "innocently." His addict brain could not resist the lure of altered consciousness. He's resorted to hiding his cough syrup - I encountered him one sunny afternoon in the parking lot of our local market with 10 bottles - he was standing behind his car with the tailgate up, removing the bottles from their boxes and taking the empty boxes to the garbage at the store, so I wouldn't notice them in OUR trash. Is that addict - like enough for you?

If he is behaving like this over cough syrup, I can't believe he will stop at that. That would be severe denial.

I am just beside myself that I might have to lose our marriage and all we've built for such a thing.

Thanks for listening, and anyone who can share some words of wisdom, encouragement or experience would be so appreciated.

You are very smart to turn to alanon! He really was buying 10 bottles, and denies a problem???? My goodness! That addictive behavior doesn't leave us easily.. Just when you thought things were going well.

My A acts out his addiction to alternative things, as well. Sometimes it's not even substances. When we first met (now that I look back) I believe his addiction was directed at me! Then for a while, the son he had from a previous relationship, now back in his life because he let go of the alcohol. Then, because things got bad between his older son and me, beer.... It seems to be a long series of replacing one addiction with another. Now he's back in recovery.... what's next?

But I can't change him. I can only change me, work on myself, take care of myself, and trust in my higher power. Part of my co-dependent nature is to obsess on the 'what-if." Then I blow the 'what-if' up to gigantic proportion, and start thinking the 'what-if' is absolutely going to happen, and get angry about it... before it even has a chance to work out! That's addiction to the 'what-if.'

I am working on letting go and trusting. I also do things to safeguard--- I keep a seperate bank account. I take responsibility for paying the rent: that way I know there will be a roof over my head, and that of my children. I don't give him cash, usually. Then, if he wants to indulge in his addiction, he does it with his money.

You are in the right place. You are brave to come here, and open yourself up. Hang in there!

K