my husband is a recovering alcaholic. i have known him for almost five years. he has been sober for thirteen yrs. but i think that he has retained alot of the alcaholic behaviors.for instance, nothing is ever his fault(it is ,but he denies it)he loves to blame everyone else.and even if he does say he's sorry for something, he almost always incorperates,but i did that because you did this,in effect flipping the blame back on me. for instance, he quit his job afer we had an arguement. he said well i thought that the relationship was over( we have been married for 1 yr.) so i didn't care anymore. he didn't work for a whole month(hmmm...strange that I could continue to go to work each day,even though I was just as upset as he was) we are in so much financial trouble having only one paycheck. and all he can come up with is the same old answer if YOU wouldn't have started the arguement I wouldn't have quit my job. I just can't understand how he justifies things.by the way I didn't start the fight . I told him to lighten up on my son. and he is the one who went off and screamed at me for about fifteen minutes without let up.I try to understand that he is recovering,but it seems like he wants to be taken care of and not have to be responsible.can anyone give me any insight

SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS TO START WORKING THE 12 STEPS, HE NEEDS TO SEE HIS STINKIN THINKIN AND GET RID OF IT, DONT PLAY HIS GAMES OR HE WILL NEVER CHANGE

Try and remember an Alcoholic without a program, is just a dry alcoholic, he is using his old patterns ( munipulations) to get what he wants, myself when I was drinking I was great at trying to get my own way, by the same process, nothing was ever my fault, if you loved me more.....if you spent more time with me....I'm bored find me something to do, when I came to the tables I found out that I was just like a little kid, with the gimmes, now my wife is in Al-Anon and she also sees how in a way she was enabling me, by giving in just to shut me up, start to show him that your not MOMMY anymore and he has too stand on his own two feet, also a sponsor or anyone else in the program(s) AA or Al-Anon, may also give you the courage. I don't know if he goes to meetings or not you didn't say but that's his choice, just look out for you, and don't fall into any traps, remember us alkies are sneaky people, were used to getting our own way for so long, that when it comes time not to anymore, we'll still try anything, to take the EASIER SOFTER WAY. You made the right choice asking for help, this was a great decision on oyur part, don't lose the faith, it'll work if you work it.

Doug C.

(sober today)