Hello All:

Last year I let my 26 year old Son come home after he became enthralled with cocaine and lost everything. It was the worst mistake I could have made. He has not been able to get his hands on cocaine but he did resort to drinking heavily. He has so many underlying issues of depression and low self esteem and he admits that he drinks to kill his "pain". I have experienced his bouts of temper, verbal abuse and property damage a couple of times since he has returned home but Halloween night he was drinking and doing "something else" (not sure what) ..his behavior became very violent and I had him arrested. I obtained a order of protection the next morning which my Son promptly violated the next day when he attempted to come home after being released from jail. He was given an additional 7 days in jail. I have not accepted any of the numerous calls my Son has made to me from jail. He gets out in 2 days. I am doing what I have never had the courage to do and not letting him come home. Yesterday I found out that there were no openings in the state funded rehab centers here. My Son does not have insurance and I am on disability and not able to help financially. I was so happy however to connect with a wonderful Man who is the manager of the Haven of Mercy homeless shelter here. Even though thier long term alcohol abuse program is full I got the impression that he would let my Son stay on an extended basis if he shows some initiative. I will leave word for my Son through a friend that I feel his best bet is to go there and I will re-enforce to him that if he returns home I will call the police. This is literally killing me. I feel guilty because unwittingly I think I was an enabler too long and now this is going to be a huge shock to my Son...I don't think I have ever felt quite this upset.
Thank You..I needed to write about this..

Hi Karen,

I am sorry you are going through so much. you got to do what you got to do. You have to protect yourself and take care of yourself and he had and will have many opportunities to change and restart his life. It is not in your power. We are powerless over other people behavior, but we all have a HP that we can turn our lifes to. I hope your son find his way out of this addiction.

I am an AA member and also Alanon member (daughter and wife of alkies), and I am in Alanon mail list we have here at the club. I would like to invite to join our group, you will meet people going through similar situations or that had been there to share experience, strenght and hope.

big hugs,
Lucia

Hi Karen

My heart goes out to you. I have been right where you are at. It is a very lonely and heart breaking place to be. What I can tell you that I now have a relationship with my son that I thought I might never ever have. He to was abusive towards me and anyone else who got in his way. I was fortunate in that had very close friends (one being my sponsor) who had a recovery program. I was able to have them go to court and have him released to their program. I took a while but it was worht it. He got kicked out a couple of times. This was very difficult to watch. He was angry at the world. My son I am happy to say has 8 years of soberiety now.
I never gave up on my son. I however could not be a party to his lifestyle. I had to LET GO. For a mother to that goes against every part of our being. It is the best thing I could do for him. It took me a while to realize that. Until Mommy could cut the apron strings so to speak he did not stand a chance in hell at the life he now has.
Through God and the people in AA we both got through it. I am grateful I listened to everyone and to their words of wisdom.
You and your son will be in prayers. I know how you feel and what is going on. There is an answer to this just have faith and trust in God.

Patty W.