Ok everyone - I really need help - my husband got "dry" two years ago and two months ago decided to move out and separate. I am devastated. He says he still loves me, misses me and comes 2x a week and stays over - talks to me everyday on the phone. He says he needs his space. I've asked him if he thinks he will come home - he said there is a possiblity and also I asked him if he thinks there is hope for us. He said yes or else he wouldn't be seeing me or talking to me everyday. My heart is so heavy. I need him home with me. Any advice?

Hi, Mindy. Sorry for your troubles. And welcome to the forums.

I'm in a bit of a hurry, but I'd suggest two things:

1. Try Al-Anon. They can help, a lot perhaps.

2. Stop allowing him to "stay over." Talk to him on the phone, go on dates, sit and chat, whatever. But no more sleepovers.

WHY NOT LET HIM SLEEP OVER?

I ALREADY AM GOING TO AL-ANON

Hi! I'm sure the last poster meant no more sleep overs for the sake of - "Having your cake and eating it too"

I seperated from my husband last year. I remember in the begining the panic and heart break I felt. I have found it really helpful to stay in the day, concentrate only on me and my happiness for that day. Nothing I do, say, manipulate, or try to fix or control will bring my husband any closer to comming back. I've given it to God, and trust that he will bring me the best possible out come, whether or not it's what I think I need. By doing that I have been able to spend this last year working on me and my happiness and taking good care of our 2-1/2 yr old daughter. Because of my working mostly on me, I was better able to take care of my daughter and she seems almost un-effected by the seperation.

I put my whole heart and soul into my ACOA "Adult Children Of Alcoholics" meetings, read a daily reading from Melody Beatie. usually "Language of Letting Go". and practice/practice/practice.

Have you talked about going to a marraige councellor?? One that is familiar with AA and Co-Dependency issues? How about a councellor for just you, to help you through the emotionally turmoil your in? I was in therapy for over a year and it truly added to all the work I'd been doing already and helped save my life.

Good luck