I'm a little bummed. I was hoping to find support on these message boards, but they are really slow here. It's such a shame because I could use a great tool like this. I'm four years ACOA chipped and just found this board a few weeks back and looking forward to experience, strength and hopes!!

After seven years with my addictive personality husband, spending every dime we had trying to fix-save him and our marraige, I have been seperated from my husband for a year and four months. Comming up on a year since he stated, "I want a divorce." I've spent the last year living with my little sister, trying to figure out, plan, and save $$ to move out on my own and support our 2-1/2 year old daughter. My HP found me a place I could afford for me and my daughter with a big back yard last January, and now that I've been there for a few months and things are settling down, I find myself really begining to grieve. (especially for someone to mow the big back yard

I'm grateful for the seperation, and moving on. It was a highly co-dependant relationship and my husbands addiction was his computer, porn, and spending money, I think my addiction {a side from wanting to fix him} is to having a man around to make me feel safe. So, I've been learning how to feel safe without a man. My HP has been helping me by removing every male influence I had in my life. I'm living on my own for the first time EVER, and have been working really hard at becoming self sufficient. But I miss male companionship and perspective. I wonder if I will ever find happiniess being alone. Some days I'm truly happy, others, I could curl up in a ball on my couch and never let go of the remote.

I force myself to focus on being happy and planning fun and energetic things to do, mostly for my daughter's sake, And I truly enjoy each of those things by staying in the moment. I am basically living one day at a time, sometimes moment to moment. Doing my best to stay out of the past, enjoy today, and not worry so much about the future. But I can't shake this inherant saddness I have and the thought that it won't go away, nor the question....will I ever find a man I can truly be happy with. I just wonder will I get to a place where it won't be such work to be happy? Can I be happy without a man?

While my husband is the one who uttered the words, I'm certain I'll be the first to file the divorce papers. I've been waiting until I'm comfortable with my financial situation and self sufficiency.... not that he would be contributing anything to that mind you..... but I find it funny I needed to wait for those things to finally be comfortable enough to file the papers.... my first clue that I feel I need a man to feel safe. Any way it's coming up soon, and I know I'm going to need support.

I have a few very good ACOA friends and support system, and I attend a meeting every Tuesday night, but I don't journal, which has been suggest to me, so, I'm going to check in now and again in the hopes that I could get some experience, strength, and hope from anyone willing to give it. If not, I'll just keep using this outlet as my journal in hopes that someone might get something from my experience, strengths, and hopes.

Thank you for having this board and an outlet for me to purge!!

Me again, I'm having a better day today. I've got a lot of work to get done and recently find it hard to concentrate on it. I beleive another symptom of greiving and loss. I'm really angry too! I especially take it out on my MOM. She is the ACOA in my family, I'm actually the grandchild of an alcoholic, but I recieved the many unhealthy traits associated with an ACOA.

My mother is people pleasing me to death, along with trying to fix/save me! Go figure. I work very hard at not slipping back into that toxic relationship where she tries to fix/save me and I let her because it's just that much easier. I know today, that I can't allow anyone to enable me, no matter how easy it is to choose that, for I never end up feeling good or proud of myself if I choose to allow my mother to enable me, and she ultimately treats me with resentments and anger anyway. Very Toxic.

However, I am the one in recovery, and I find it very hard to defend myself with out being angry and hurtful towards her. I have choices, I know that. But lately I'm choosing to be angry and hurtful. I obvliously have a lot of anger inside me so maybe I need to find a different outlet for my anger.

A grateful list, Forgiveness, Acceptance will all help too, I know this for a fact, but I just don't want to put my energy into it right now. I think I want to just be angry for a while. I just don't want to hurt my mother in the process.

Any experience, strength, or Hope would be greatly appreciated.


In closing I'd like to say, My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm truly greatful I found ACOA before I had her, so that I can break this co-dependency cycle and give her a better chance at a better life than mine was. I'm a better person and a great mom because of ACOA!!

Hi, Allie! Welcome to the forums. Glad you're here.

I'm surprised that Lucia hasn't responded yet. Perhaps she hasn't checked the forums messages for a day or so. You might try writing her a private message as well. She's been coordinating the ACoA stuff, including a new chat meeting on Friday nights.

I must get some work done right now (just starting the day here), but I'll try to write more later.

Hi Allie,

We have so much in common! My husband also is addicted to his computer, where he gambles and visit porno sites (he hides, but I know he used to do, dont know if is still doing). We were close to divorce a few times but then you know it is like he is going to change and I want so bad it to be true, we try again. I try to have a good relashionship with my mother, but I have to keep some space to not get used and left alone, what is her usual behavior with me. I have huge "abandonment" issue. And I am grieving a loss of a beloved one who died. I saw so much of me in your post and I like you I am very grateful to have found ACoA and be able to understand better my own behavior and work on it.

Yes, your post helps me and I am glad to see your post here to the ACoA forum. We also have a meeting in friday nights, 10 pm US eastern. See if you can join it and help get it going.

You are strong and yes you are giving a better start to your daughter than what we had. Although I had thought many times of divorce and not done it, I know if it happend it would take me a long time grieving. It is ok to feel like you feel and cry. I think what an ACoA wants more than anyone is to never have to say good bye. But life in life's terms and with the steps and a HP we can deal with our feelings and be there to the ones who need us, like your daughter.

As for guys... I don't know. I am still married, but there is not romance and I really do not see things better out there. Lately I have been questionning my old romantic view of life. Do we really need a guy to be happy? Can we base our happyness in the man in our lifes? I think I do not expect for the prince who will save me anymore, although yes, I spent almost my whole life believing in fair tales!

See you!

Lucia

Looking for! We do have so much in common!! I've always looked for that night in shining armor, but always fall for the Jest!! LOL I sabotage my own wants and needs to avoid pain. I've learned that to dare to want and need could cause me great pain if rejected or abandoned. I truly believe my ACOA issue are all about AVOIDING PAIN!! So, I've decided to just do it. Couragiously go through it and experience the pain and grief.

I'm finally grieving so many things, now. My father's death, my mother's inability to have an intimate relationship with me, my mother's reliance on me to fill her need for a mother, my father's inability to have an intimate relationship with me, abandonment, rejection, chaos..........you name it!

But I'm truly greatful for the pain, believe it or not! Identifying and actually feeling my feelings is a great achievement for me! I'm finally getting it out and getting through it!! Because of that I am now truly able to experience real, honest, genuine JOY!!

The more I was able to identify my feelings, I began to really identify my wants and needs and knew they would not be met through my husband. As I grew in ACOA and began fullfilling my own wants and needs, I began to not NEED my husband so much, and he began his spiral downward. The healthier I got, the more clearly I was able to see our relationship for what it was, completely co-dependant with not an ounce of intimacy, support, trust, honesty, or respect.....All the things I want from a relationship.

Today I'm gratefull I was able to pull myself out of the spiral, because I was going down with him, and my daughter would have been the victim.

Thank you so much for sharing, I hope I'll continue to hear from you!! I get so much when I hear people share!! I wish I could make the Friday night meeting, but my only computer access is between 9am to 5pm. and I have to make it quick. But I'll keep checking in daily for the strength I need to get through this. Thank you!!

Hi Dean!! looking forward to hearing more from you!! Thank you for the welcome! have a great day!!

Hi Allie,

Grieving can be a long and is a painful process, but we have no other choice once we lost someone or something of value, like our dreams. I have this book: Necessary Losses: The Loves Illusions Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have. Did you read it? It is very interesting. It starts from the principle that we all will have to deal with loss. You made me remind of it and I am going to look for it here and read it again. I read it many years ago when I nor even imagine some day I would be dealing with so much pain. I think it will help me to read it again. It is not easy to accept loss. what about make a gratitude list today? I need to value what is here. I see you are growing and buiding up a new life

How is the day at work?

Hugs,
Lucia

Lucia,

Today has been very frustrating! But It's almost over!! I've noticed that I am losing the patience I once had. I'm more angry and frustrated.

I made a break through though. I realized that my anger and frustrations towards my mother is really my own insecurities and frustrations of feeling out of control lately. My mother is helping me by watching my daughter at my home 3 days a week so that I can work and afford my own home. I truly appreciate her help, however with that comes her opinion about how I live, and take care of things. She has taken over my house and now does all the responsibilities I am supposed to do because she wants to "HELP". I have asked her NOT to do my Laundry, cleaning, making my bed, dishes, go through my mail....Yet she still does, and then gets frustrated with me for not taking care of it to her liking!! as if I'm LEAVING it for her!

SO my attempts to have boundaries with her have failed, and I got very frustrated and angry with her. I've tried communicating to her again about not doing these things for me, but in a loving way, explaining that "I need to do these things for my self to help me feel self confident, safe, and in control of my life.... without it, my only purpose of the day is to go to work and that sucks!"

My problem is I'm not sure what else to do about it. Any body out there have some experience,strength, hope regarding this??

Grateful list is a great idea, it's been a while. I will get a hold of that book you mentioned! and I signed up for a daily divorce support group e-mail. wish me luck!

End of day, gotta go - check in tomorrow.

I'm new here

I can add some experience to the divorce process healing. I realize I am in charge of the growth. I am in charge of how I heal. It will happen if you want it to.

Being in charge of your life 24/7 is the key. Yes we ask others for help in being free to live. Financial stability comes.

Mom will do too much until she knows you mean business.

"Please do not go into my room today, or worry about anything in my room" (clothes, messiness cleaning etc) "You can spend the day caring/playing with your grandchild, enjoying the day"

"When you do everything for me I feel like I will never get on my own. Thank you for the help so far, but unless it's to care for my daughter, please don't do anything else!" " Do you understand?"

It's hard not to make boundries, but not respecting the self and our abilities is rude.

It's so hard to be firm when we are tired and weary.

Being alone takes planning. Embrace the time to be alone.

I do admit when I am shoveling snow, and cutting grass, (like yesterday) I WISH I WAS MARRIED AGAIN. It lasts a few minutes. But when I finish and look back at what I do, I am fine.

BUY a self propelled lawn mower and a small snow blower if you need to. I also bought a dish washer after my divorce. My X was the dish washer. WORTH EVERY PENNY.

NU

I'm adding those things to my list as we speak!! Thank you for the in-put! My Nephew is comming by this week end to mow the weeds, and I'm going to pay him to come by every two weeks for me.

Your right, I really have not put my foot down with my mom, and recently realized it was my lack of feeling in control of my own life that caused me to sound off to my mother. I layed down the law the other day and it seems to be working. I also apologized to her for my out burst. She understood and apologized to me for taking her frustrations out on me. Peace has returned. (for the moment)

I haven't had time for just me to be by myself in five or six weeks, and I know that is taking it's toll on me, so this weekend, while my daughter is with her father, I made NO PLANS!! I am going to take time for me to do what ever I feel like doing, and enjoy my weekend for me! I'm sure I'll feel so much better after that!

Looking forward to catching up on some movies, and house work!!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

My nephew came by this weekend and cut my weeds!! I'm so happy, now it looks like a real back yard! I love it. I had lots of energy this weekend so I caught up on all my house work, the movies I've been dying to see, and some yard work as well!! I really needed to take this weekend and make no plans what so ever, so I could relax when I wanted, and get stuff done when I wanted. What a great weekend I had.

Being a single mom really takes it's toll. I never ever have time for my self, unless I PLAN the time. It's rare that I find myself asking, "Oh? I got everything done?? what should I do next?" My daughter commands all of my attention. I try to get her involved in what I'm doing but making laundry seem fun only works for about three minutes. (Her favorite is to throw all the just folded clothes in the air. fun, fun )

I'm looking forward to some additional money comming my way. I'm going to replace some storm windows and the storm door, get and electrician to put a few outlets in for me so I can hook up my air-conditioner and a possible computer. I'm going to get the back yard into play shape, too!! A sand box and swing set for my daughter! a (Used) grill, and hopefully I'll get my picnic table and chairs for my B-day!!

I'm having a good day. Not stressed, not depressed, not feeling sorry for myself. Hope this lasts!!

Hi Alllie,

Seemed a great weekend! It is good to be in contact with nature and I also like to take care of things at home. I have no experience on raising kids, reading you I thought I would enjoy to share time with my daughter if I had one, but I do not think I would have better ideas to work with laundry!

My weekend was quiet at home, but busy. And the week is going fast as I have been so busy and with so much things on my mind. I am doing what I can, although I know it is probably less than I need to get what I want. Then I have to let go and let God and just keep it with the day and try to not be so anxious.

Lots of prayer today. And they do work.

Your nephew is a nice kid going there to help you with the yard

Hugs ((((((((((((())))))))))))))))

Thank you! I agree he is such a great kid, and very eager to help.

I do have so much fun with my daughter. She makes me laugh all day long! Just her simple manerisms and the way she interprets this crazy new world around her. I re-live and enjoy more of my own childhood through her. I get to experience all these things I take for granted all over again as if they are brand new, and how exciting that is to do and to see how a two year old handles it is amazing!!

I'm having a frustrating time with one of my clients. SHe is panicking and monopolizing all of my time in the last three to four weeks and I can't seem to escape her. Every time I think I have a moments peace to concentrate on my other clients, or even MYSELF, she calls with more work or changes or questions or requests and all with deadlines!!! And today, just when I think I'm done with our project, SHE CALLS WITH ANOTHER CHANGE AND A NEW, MORE PRESSING DEADLINE!!!! AARRRGGGGG!!!!!

to try to escape her I ignore her and her project so that I can concentrate on my other clients and that is only helping for the moment. But I have to finish with my other clients as well. I guess what is bothering me the most is I am 99% of the time in charge of my schedule and work day, and this woman is controlling that at the moment. She knows no boundaries and is extremely disrepectful and demanding. When I put up a boundary, she nocks it over, I put up another one and she nocks that one over too.

I've just started to yes her to death, and agree to what ever she wants, because she has absolutely no respect for me as a professional and what I do, and no matter what I say to her, somehow it never gets through. Very frustrating. It would be nice if I could just pass her off to someone else, but I can't. Gotta see this through to the end.

Wish me luck.

Hi Allie,

I worked with a person like that for 3 years. Yes, 3 years! It was like hell. Today I know I should have get rid of it right in the beginning, but the first year I was in hope, the 2 last years I had no hope nor energy, because I had a personal loss that I couldn't bear and I was really not living, just in vegetation status. When I got some energy I got out ot if.

I do not know your specific situation. Just take a look if is not an ACoA thread what is make you think you have to deal with it. We ACoAs are excessively responsible! We think everything is obligation and that we can manage it all...

but it is a daily issue with work I guess, there is always someone willing to try our bounderies. Today I had to ask someone from my job to stop send me mails. She was playing *friends*, but her last actions showed me clear I can not trust her and I have to keep distance from her.

Wish I had at least one nephew that I could count on to anything.

Hope you get a solution to it and get your peace and schedules back!

(((((((((((((()))))))))))

I'm a Kitchen Designer, and this client of mine I just could not shake, and it was the last, I'd say, six weeks that have been the worst. But I'm happy to say I finished the design and order process and now I don't have to deal with her for another three months when the installation starts.

But, Funny you mentioned looking into what my responsibility is.... This morning my mother came to my home to watch my daughter, very frustrated, worried, and panicked about an issue of hers. As she began to talk about it, she sounded like she was stuck and didn't know what to do. (As she always does, and has all my life) I emediately began trying to give her the answers to solve her problem, (As I have all my life to no avail) and a funny thing happened!! I noticed my my body tenseing up, my blood pressure begin to boil, and my frustration level go through the roof! I then realized that I was so busy concentrating on my mothers issue that I was going to be late for work and never have time to talk about my daughters events of the day, (I.E. - clothes to wear, Meds to take, Menu to eat) if I didn't start taking care of ME!

So I stopped and said, "I'm sorry your having this problem, I wish you the best of luck in solving it. I only have a few minutes before I have to leave, can I take this time to go over with you my daughters day?"

It worked!! My stress went down, and my mom listened. It was very hard for me to walk out the door knowing my mother was still frustrated and without a resolution for her problem. I got the "why won't you help me?" pitiful guilt face and everything from her. But it felt good to put into practice the realization that I can choose to jump in and try to save her, as I always do, or I can take care of me and only me without feeling guilty about it!! I went to work happy and content, not tense and frustrated as I would have if I continued my co-dependent behavior with my mother.

She's and adult, she has a HP, She will be just fine without my help, she may even grow up!!!

lol Allie!

Thats exactly what happend to me the other day I went to see my mother. I just found myself again trying to manage her life and I can't manage mine! I got frustrate and came home upset, than I realized I need to learn how to listen without get involved.

Glad you will have a break from your client.

Kitchen Designer! It is great. I love houses, you know, new homes. I bet it let you with a good feeling most of the time, unless you get a "trouble" client.

I am going through a process of re-think my whole life. I guess it is the middle life crise?

Have you done the ACoA steps? ha , I just read it back and saw my frase is wrong, because it is never finished. The trick is to aplly it in our everyday affairs. And thats not easy at all.

I do not know if I should say I was lazy today or if I took it easy... but I haven't done much. I worked 4 hours this morning. But it did not required much of me and after arrive home I just postpound to tomorrow the things I had to do. I did cry watching a movie with Anthony Hopkins: Hearts in Atlantis. And I guess this was the best I did today.

See you!

hi!

I'm Amatsya and desperate to find a meeting. Reading your story it brought chills to my spine. I'm almost in a similar situation, except I'm the one that said I'm out when my alcoholic/addict husband took another walk on the wild side of life (for the 8-th time in 5 years we've been together) putting me and my 8 month old baby in the street. A coworker welcomed me and my baby into his home (he's living with his wife and mom in a 5 bedroom house). I took my baby to Europe and left him with my mom. Shortly after I moved in, the coworker's marriage took a turn for the worst so they separated. We became good friends and 7 months after my separation I got involved with him. This crazines only made me realize how much I still love (or I'm addicted to) my ex so when my coworker told me that he decided to give his wife another chance and try to work it out I was relieved and decide to call my ex and see if we can try and work it out. (MISTAKE?) After telling him about my afair (he had one of his own) things between us turned bad. For some reason he completely ignores the fact that we were separated and that he also had an affair (which is still going on at the moment) and treats me as if I cheated on him and betrayed our love. I'm in a very grimm place. I have no family here, just me and my son (I brought him back last week), have no credit (thanks to my ex), work 2 jobs and barely make it from one day to another. I don't know if my ex is really the one for me (he recently grraduated from a 9 mo rehab); he's lacking compassion and kindness and every time I opened my heart to him he crucified me for every mistake I ever did in my life. You have so much time in the program maybe you can help me (maybe we can help each other). How did you find a meeting? Is there a phone number that I can contact the organization and get info? How do I get in this program? It was so easy for me to find ALANON, AA and CODA meetings but no luck with ACA.
Hope to hear from you soon

Hi Amatsya!

Welcome to our ACoA board!

I see so much of myself in your post.

2 jobs, working to no end, no rest, draggin yourself from one day to another, feeling the world is in your shoulder and you must carry it!

A toooooooooo responsible ACoA thinking that can handle it all and yet help someone else.

The old guilt trick... they drink because we did wrong. They are nasty and messed up because we...

I was there and have done all that!

We grew up thinking it was our fault, but we were going to fix it!

One day we find out the load is just too heavy and we have to put it down and start our lives over.

So number 1: what your know is correct. It is not your fault. It was over with him when you had your affair and you had all the right to try it regardless of what he thinks.

Do not buy into this guilt trip.

He may use this escuse for a life time now. There will always be a chance that he will trow it at you in the middle of a conversation/fight. And no, he won't think that he did any wrong when he let you out with your baby without a place to live.

We are codependents and our fear of being alone can get us to the hell of a relashionship that is over but we can not believe it is.

Of course, I can not tell you if you should get back with him or not. But you know it with yourself.

One day at a time, do what you can for today and many things will take care of itself. Trust your Higher Power.

I have searched the net and did not find much of ACoA either. Most of the information is on ACoA site.

We have an ACoA meeting in the chatroom here on Oline Alano Club. It is scheduled to friday nights 10pm US eastern.

I belong to an ACoA meeting in my primary language (portuguese) and we can start an English (of course mail meeting here in Alano club. I have being thinking of it, and if we have a small group to start we can get it going.

In the ACA site you can get information about face to face meeting in US and some other countries.

http://allone.com/12/aca/

Hang in there, it will get better.

See you!

Amatsya,

You are telling my story!! I'm so sorry I have not been around all week, been home sick. Just got in today to respond.

I have found that my biggest problem was avoiding the pain of loosing my husband/marraige, not believing that I deserved better, and being afraid to be alone and take care of myself, by my self. I thought I didn't know how to take care of myself and would fail. I thought I needed some one to take care of me.

Today, I'm not alone, I have a higher power who is with me every step of the way, and always has been. I'm taking care of my self, but more importantly, My higher power is also taking good care of me, too. I actually believe in a higher power, something I didn't believe for a long time! and While I am finally experience the pain of loosing my husband/marraige, I have serenity, happiness, and hope for a well rounded, chaos free fruture for me and my child. I know I deserve better!

I'm not sure about meetings in your area, but you can check with your local churches and hospitals to see if there is an ACOA or CODA meeting in the area. Also these links might help.

This one is the literature web site where we get most of the literature we use in our meeting.

http://www.hazelden.org/servlet/hazelden/go/home


This one is where we advertise our meeting, and where you may be able to find one in your area, not to mention the steps, the literature. IT's the ACOA clearing house.

http://www.adultchildren.org/


This one I just came across and thought might be helpful.
http://www.recovery.org/acoa/acoa.html



If you search, "Adult children of alcoholics" you'll find a ton of sites that are helpful, but the first two I use often.

Also, the book "Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie is a great book for ACOA. I hate to read and never have the time, but this book is one page a day. I keep it in my bathroom so that every time I have to go, I sit and read my page for the day. What a powerful book this is. I've learned so much from it and every time I picked it up, it was exactly what I needed and pertained to what I was going through.


Please feel free to communicate through this web site as well!! I am here through out the week and try to check in at least once a day. I hope you can find a meeting and if not use this place for one, It's completely changed my life and I can't thank it enough!! Good luck, and I hope to hear from you again!

Just checking in - It's been a really good week, very busy at work and play. I chaired a speeker meeting last Tuesday Where I told my whole story and I think it went really well. I had so much I wanted to say that I could truly speak for days! But I kept it to one topic and how it pertained to my life. The biggest change in my life and the one subject that made the biggest impact on my life was and still is People Pleasing. So I shared how people Pleasing has effected my family and my life, and what my take on it is and how I changed and continue to change that aspect of my life.

One of the "Old Timers" told me after the meeting that she remembered most of what I went through and seeing where I am now since then was really inspiring! She told me she learned a lot from ME!! She was one of the ones I looked up to in her wisdom of the program! It felt really good to see that all this hard work is really paying off, and that other people see a difference too!

I hope you all have a great weekend!

So, It's july 1st. and a beautiful day and I'm stuck at work.

I'm struggling again. Funny how this grief process brings me up and down. Someone in my Tuesday night meeting said that, "while figuring out this life without him, I'm finally figuring out who I am and being happy alone. It's loney."

It IS lonely. I keep making plans with friends and running around, just so I don't feel alone. and on other days when I'm feeling good about myself, or when I realize I need a break from constantly running around I am fine with being alone. ....... A thought just occured to me, Maybe I just need to accept that I will be alone. I wonder, is that it?? Am I not accepting my aloneness?? HHhhmmmmm.

I love my HP!

Well, I feel better now. I just need to accept it. (Hmn....easier said than done)

I'll let you all know how it goes.


How is everyone else, these days????

It's becomming more and more clear that my HP wants me to finally give myself the love and validation I have been constantly seeking else where! Every where I turn I am reminded that I am alone, for now. Even at a party with 100 people, Even on this web site. (I.E. no one responded to my latest post question how are you all doing?? ). When I noticed that I laughed. As for the party, well , I enjoyed myself, danced a lot, and mingled as best as I could, but I really couldn't connect with anyone. Not in a sad, pity my self kind of way, but in a "I'm not really interested, and looking for something less shallow" kinda way. I'm not really complaining, I guess I'm just taking the ride for what it is, and experiencing it as it is. I'm not trying to manipulate it or fix it or change it. I'm praying for a friend, a lover, a husband and intimacy on all those levels. But that of corse will all happen in God's time. So I'm just taking it day to day and feeling the feelings I need to feel as they come. Saddness, joy, happiness, loneliness, sorrow, excitment, anger, hope. It's really very surreal.

It's also become clear that the reason my husband and I got back together after our first seperation was to have my daughter. I'm now finding out that I am starting menopause!! I'm only 36, so this is really a shock to me. I thought I had at least another ten years or so. But, If it weren't for having my daughter, I'd be completely distrought. I've had my baby, and now I am at peace with it all. If I decided to have another child I will be more than happy to adopt. Simple as that. My HP must have known that this was my only chance to have a baby, so in hindsight, this would be why my Husband and I tried again and only to fail. Not only would I have been a wreck with my current news, but also the end of my marriage would have put me over the edge if it weren't for my daughter. I need to keep on going for her!

Just another example of how my HP has been taking good care of me, and how I really need to keep my faith that he will continue to do so.

Thanks for listening.