Hi,

I've been very lost for the past year or so. Six years ago I fell in love with my boss. We started seeing each other and he told me he is a recovering alcoholic. My father is an alcoholic but I had no rael idea of what beeing in love and living with an alcoholic really means. And of course he never mentioned anything about beeing a drug addict (prescription drugs - narcotics and pain killers). Our relationship was a rollacoaster of heaven-like moments and hell days. 6 relapses and daily battles with his emotional and mental abuse pushed me to the limit. In the midst of this turmoil my son was born. Needles to say his father was drunk when I found out I'm going to have a baby and was high when Christopher was born. Last july he went on a drugs and alcohol binge got violent with me so I took my son amd moved out. He tried to kill himself and than one day agreed to go to a long term treatment house. I found a place for him and he got in. He got help and recovered and turned into an amazing person while I was left alone struggling with depression. Not making enough money and not having any family here, I took my 10 mo old son to Europe and left him with my mom. My credit was ruined during the time of my relationship so I got 2 jobs, working 14 hours a day and sinking in depression and loneliness. A few months after my ex got into rehab I called him and asked him to help with the bills and he cussed me. I got so angry I refused to speak with him anymore, told to move on with his life and I'l do the same with mine. I was hurting so bad and I was so desperate wanting to stop feeling all that pain and loneliness that I made a stupid mistake and I got involved with another man. When that didn't worked I called my ex and asked him if he wants to go to counselling. At first knowing how obssesive, irrational and abusive he can be I did not wanted to tell him about me being eith someone else, but when he got totally honest and told me about him seeing another woman I decided that if we really want to make this work, he deserves to know the entire truth, no secrets. Big mistake, HUGE! Of course he reacted as bad as I expected. The guilt tripping and the emotional abuse restarted. It's been over a month of him making me feel like I'm a horrible person that cheated on him (not even wanting to accept the fact that we were separated and he did the same thing, except that I had a fling while he fell in love with this woman). Now I'm in this world of anger, confusion and hurt and I don't know what to do. He tells me that he loves me like he never loved anyboby ever and that nobody will ever love me like he does. Then at the same time he tells me he can never be with me again after I slept with another man. He calls me all the time, we go to counselling and he says that he's trying to work things out with me but he's still seeing that other woman. He keeps telling me how wonderfull this other woman is and how much she loves him and how happy she makes him while having only criticism for me. I feel like I'm going to loose my mind. I love him and I resent him at the same time. When I try to explain to him how he tortures me he gets defensive telling me how he loves me so much and I am a cheat and a liar. He keeps telling me how he battles this horrible visions of me and another man having wild passionate sex.
Please I need help! part of me feels like I want to run as far as I can from my ex when he is like this but I do still love him very much and I don't want my son to grow up without a father. I just want this abuse to stop. He never focuses on us, on our relationship. It was always my past, the men in my past. We never had a relationship just me and him. It was always me, him and the men in my past. What do I do? Is this a helples situation? Can anybody help me? Any advice?

Hi,
I really do wish I had an answer for you but I am sorry to say I do not. The one suggestion I have for you is that maybe you should go to Alanon. They know how to help the person living and dealing with the alcoholic in his or her life. You are seeing someone professionally so going to Alaonon is the only thing I can come up with.
Good luck to you and I hope you find the answers you are seeking.

Patty W

HI THIS SOUNDS ALOT LIKE ME AND MY ON AND OFF AGAIN BOYFRIEND AND ALSO THE FATHER TO MY DAUGHTER AND OUR UNBORN CHILD.THE ADVICE I CAN GIVE TO YOU IS FOR YOU TO REMEMBER THAT EVEN THOUGH THEY MAKE IT SEEM LIKE EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT IT REALLY ISN'T.WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES BUT YOU CAN'T LET YOUR PAST RUN YOUR LIFE.THEY ARE GONNA SAY WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY.THE ONLY WAY I HAVE GOT OVER HIM HOLDING MY PAST AGAINST ME IS TO NOT TAKE THE STUPID THINGS HE SAYS TO HEART.I HOPE THIS MAKES SOME SENSE TO YOU.

i know this sounds heartless, but first of all, there is no reason for you to be in a relationship with him; i agree about going to meetings, and go to as many as you can! several years ago, i was in a bad marriage-fortunately it lasted only 3 years, but before i even divorced my husband, i started another relationship that was just as bad. i had a baby that i put up for adoption, and by this time i was full fledged back into my alcoholism, drinking all the time. i finally decided-after a year- to get out of this relationship too and get sober again. so i threw myself into as many 12 step meetings as possible. i still had some relapses, but things would have been a lot worse for me if not for AA and AlAnon.

Anyway, you need to concentrate on your sobriety, and raising your son.

When I was luna gold,12 my family had a get together. It had been during summer vacation so I had no school to worry about and I was allowed to stay awake for as long as I wanted. It was about 3:00 a.m. when my mom drove us home. I couldn’t believe that I was still wide awake. My step-father had been dead drunk， and passed out to show how much of a good time he had. I had been sitting in the back seat of the station wagon. I had fun that night， and I was looking forward to the next get together， but the drinking and the smoking， I could do luna gold without.
We had wow cd keys, been on Highway 126 leaving Fillmore going into Piru， heading east. The mountains were to our left， and I had been sitting behind my mom. I watched as the dark hills dipped and sloped as we drove by， when something caught my attention. A strange craft soared above the mountain peaks. Understand， that the mountains were low and along side the highway， so what I saw was pretty close， I’m guessing about 200 feet. It was elongated and somewhat boomerang shaped. I could clearly make out the cross bars that formed the body. There was a red square box with a yellow flashing light， almost like a beacon. It seemed to fly not forward or backward， but instead length-wise and always to the wow cd keys left.
Whatever World of Warcraft power leveling, it was， it seemed to be parallel to us the entire way. "Momma，" I spoke. "There’s a UFO." Mmmmm， was her only reaction. I rolled down the window a bit to make sure that it wasn’t my imagination or a reflection from any cars behind us. The craft was still there， matching the speed of our station wagon. I told her again， "Momma， there’s a UFO." Again， her only World of Warcraft power leveling response.
We turned wow gold,into town， and the mountains were off in the distance by this time， and so was the craft that I had been watching this whole time. The craft (for lack of a better word) disappeared through the mountains， and I thought that we were safe until I saw small silvery comets trailing behind the station wagon. I didn’t tell my mom about what I saw this time. She wasn’t paying attention to me anyway. The cometsmoved in and out of my view， slowly streaking to all directions， and always maintaining the same speed as the station wagon. I was intrigued by the beauty of it all， like falling stars which softly glided on the wind. That was my Wwow gold impression.
By the time world of warcraft power leveling, that we reached home， I no longer saw the craft， nor did I see the silvery comets. I don’t know at which point they left my view. My mom made my bed on the couch as she had done every night. Our house was small so I never had a bedroom to sleep in. She had been tired from the evening’s events， and my thoughts had still been on what world of warcraft power leveling I saw.
I laid 2moons dil, there awake， in the darkness of the living room， trying to reason what I had seen. Could it really have been just my imagination? I looked out through the window， wondering if the craft or those comets I saw were still there. A face leaned in close against the window and peered in. Its large dark eyes were lifeless. My face grew long in 2moons dil horror.