It's funny. I've been living in survival mode for the past year since seperating from my husband. Trying to find the place I would eventually call home. Once I moved into that home I spent a few months fixing it up to my liking, unpacking, organizing, etc.... (Being a single mom now, it took that long and still in the process) Now that I've been there for about five months, I'm finally starting to feel real LOSS for my marraige and the dreams of a traditional family.

I'm fumbling through, now, as a single mother, making up the rules as I go. The rules of "traditional family life" just don't fit any more. There's no time, too much to do alone now, little time for me, not enough money, Blah , Blah, Blah......

So now I am trying to find the happiness based on reality of today. It's not easy. I really wanted a marraige, a partner, a friend, a Husband. I wanted to make these rules up together. I still do. Not with my EX, but with someone who is willing and able to BE a Partner, and who will Participate in a life and marraige together, with respect and Love for one another.

But until then I must find happiness here in today. How?

Gratefull lists, Thanking God, Staying in the day...sometimes the moment if necessary. What else can I do? What can I do to accept this life as it is and be fulfilled and happy just the way it is, with out waiting for some man or relationship to make me happy??

4th step?? is that the answer? Any experience, strength, and hope out there for me today??