Okay..here goes. I'm new here and trying this out to see if I can get some help in my hypocritical world of alcohol. I love my husband dearly. He's my best friend and love of 9 years. I tell myself I want to stop drinking, I try to be strong in my convictions..then my husband brings home the beer after work, and there I go again. I drink because I can't stand to be around him when he drinks.. so I am numbing myself of the anger, loneliness, and bitterness that comes when he is no longer the man I married. (he's someone else) I also drink when he's not even here. So I am very confused. I guess I'm here to ask if anyone has been in my situation. I know there is alot of information that needs to be added in order to help me, but I'm tired and frustrated and don't want to go into details if no-one is really listening. So here I am....Hopeful.

Dear Hopeful,

When I quit drinking, my wife was very resentful- she had lost her drinking partner.

I tried to live with her but it didn't work out. I went to Alanon - that didn't work.(for me).

We separated and reconciled three times over period of 10 years.
Finally, she quit drinking and joined AA.
We went back again to try to make our marriage work.
That year, (that she was sober), was the best or our 15 year marriage.

But it didn't last. She received her One Year Medallion and shortly thereafter, went back to drinking.

I left her and my two kids for the last time. We subsequently divorced.

I lived alone for several years.

About 20 years ago I met Marie, my wonderful partner.
We were married in December 1999.
She has 5 grown children and we have been blessed with a good, happy marriage.

PS
(My ex-wife recently observed her 5th AA anniversary.)

I wish you the best of luck "Hopeful".

Love & Peace,
Clark E.
in Ontario.

Hi hopeful,
I would suggest that you go to AA and or Al anon.
Both of these would be helpful.
We have a links page here and on it are listed on line Al Anon and AA meetings.
Al anon will help you to exist with drinking partner.
You cannot make him go to AA or Al anon but if you get some literature you can leave it laying around and maybe he will get nosy enough to ask.
You do need to talk to him.
Have you brought up that you both seem to be having a problem with alcohol?
The important thing is that you have to understand that you have to get help for yourself. You can only be of help to others if you are getting well yourself.
You can't do him a whole lot of good if you are suffering from the disease also.
Alcoholism is not necessarily the end of your marriage.
There are plenty of people in AA that have gotten sober jointly or one after the other that have great marriages now.
Don't give up but please start with yourself.
I would suggest AA first but if not please try Al anon.
Phone numbers are in your telephone book under Alcoholics Anonymous, and Al-anon.
Stay hopeful.
The jury is still out and I would say is going to be out for a while.
Check our links page also.
If you would like to send me a private mail please go to the e-mail page here at OnlineAlano and send me a mail via PamW. I will get it
Hang in there
PamW

Hi Hopeful,

I can relate very well with what you are saying, and I sense the frustration you are feeling. My husband was a heavy drinker... but he most often drank with his friends. I would wait for him to come home, and find myself having a few drinks to relax me while I waited. Then he would come home and we'd have a few more, and eventually my drinking progressed to the point where I didn't need him there. I was happier drinking alone. Things went downhill. I ended up in treatment and found a better life through AA. He never quit drinking.

I think for me there had to come that moment when I just couldn't stand the person I had become. When that happened I got sober. This would probably be a good time for you to consider calling your local office of AA. Talk to them. It's a step forward.

You can do this, I know you can.