I find it hard to believe as i sit in meeting hearing people say men should not sponsor women for the obvious reasons, but then every gay female in the room runs over to comfort the new gal and offer comfort.
Its an honest program, so thats my honest evaluation of what i have seen for many years. I agree get a person of the same sex but beware of the bad ones of the same sex

i agree, I have seen the same situation. I knew this girl once who said she was a lesbian and had a guy who was her sponsor and eventuallly it did not work out for her in the end, because he was not in the same mind set as she was. Men do not think the same as women. But yes we do need to watch out for who is really there to comfort us and actually be there for us and who is there to take advantage of us and our emotions.

well, i'm a female and 2 different times i tried having a male sponsor; the first one tried to turn it into a sex thing and the other one ended up wanting to get married! by the way, is there a hard fast rule that says you HAVE to have a sponsor? every sponsor I've ever had-even the women-ended up being flakey, and i ended feeling like the parent.

I have only been to a couple of meetings and am just starting to get a handle on how they work, but it offends me to think that there are gay people (of either sex, I'd imagine) that abuse the sponsor relationship. I am a lesbian and I've always wondered about the sponsor rule in regards to homosexual individuals.

Living in Hollywood, I've seen this situation come up many, many times. I've seen gay women sponsored by gay men, and vice versa, that has worked out some times.

There's no real rule, it's just a strong suggestion, as far as gender matching. Sometimes it takes a while to find a good fit and that goes for us straight folks, too.

It is very much advisable to have a sponser, however. Even a temporary one is better than nothing. Look around, talk to people with time, see who actually walks the walk. If a person is being Rigorously Honest, they're not going to try and twist the situation, in any case.

I find the AA approved pamphlet on Sponsorship to be very helpful on this subject.

This program is full of suggestions, not rules, however, if I were taking skydiving lessons, and the instructor strongly "suggested" I pull the rip cord before I splat into the ground, I'd take their advice. The suggestions work, and the more of them I follow, the better my sobriety.

I'm a male, grew up with 2 sisters, and 1 stepsister. I have 4 neices I love very much. The girls in AA really get to me heart and soul. I feel much compassion, and care for them very much. People say I'm a kind loving man. As a sponsor, I'd coddle them, and try to carry their burdon. It would probably help them alot, but so will God. That is what men and women need to work out when sobering up. People come and go, let you down, but having a God of your understanding (I always say "God of my not understanding, but it works") is a near constant. I feel that I drift apart from my higher power at times, and can feel a distance, but I have a solid group I attend, that gives me stregnth as well. So it's a 2 tiered approach for me. God and the group. No sponsor, same sex or not is a suitable higher power for me. My sponsor guides me through the steps, and I discuss what I hear at the meetings, and he helps me understand if I need guidance. I'd be lost without him, but yet we are not on the phone every day. His attitude is "go to a meeting, and I'll catch ya afterwards."

I feel that even being well meaning, as I would be, and not trying to get down her pants, I could cause harm sponsering a female. I'd try to play God and carry her along. Hey, I'm only talking about me, and am not judging what anyone else does. I know one gal who has had the same male sponsor for around 10 years. He was an old man when she found him, and is a very old man now. It works for her. She even stuck with him when moving accross country. I have put together through bits and pieces of what she says that this guy pretty much sponsors females in general, but that he is a tough old guy, and doesn't make sexual advances, and helps them steer clear of the pitfalls.

AA is full of guys who prey on the females. Sometimes I think many of them really don't mean to, but if I had a daughter, I wouldn't let her attend a mixed meeting unless I could be there with her. One meeting we had 2 newcomers walk through the door. One was a complete knock out 20 year old blond. A perfect 10, and the other was a 65 year old (going on 80 from hard living) man, with one foot in the grave, and the other on a bananna peel. They both were in bad shape, she had crashed and burned a couple cars, came from a family of drunks and crackheads, and he was dieing from heart failure, worsened by his drinking. After the meeting, the guys just swormed her, I'm talking about guys who never really went out of their way to help anyone before, and the little old man was left to himself. I made it a point to get involved with him, and stuck with him over time, until his family finally had to get him into a 1/2 way house permenantly.

To play devils advocate though, I'll also go as far as to say that the prettier the girl, the less help she is going to get from other women. Hey, women are women, they are competetive, I've even noticed what I seem to feel is women trying to eliminate other women from the group in order to get rid of the competetion. I'm sure I'll get lynched for saying this, but a beautiful young woman almost CAN'T use this program! In my opinion, it's the one specific demographic we just don't seem able to reach due to human nature. They are doomed, because out in the real world, their are tons of guys out their who would love to capitolize on her alchohol and drug issues in order to screw her. They come into AA, and even well meaning guys swarm all over her, some aren't so well meaning, and act as predators...

Anyways, I know I'm all over the board, but just thought I'd put forth my 2 cents worth.

So are you saying that gays are "bad" ones? I had a hetrosexual sponser steal money from me some years ago. Please define "bad ones". Thank you.