Two years ago on Dec. 24th of all days I was out with my boyfriend at the time drinking the night away when we decided to drive our friend home, me being the driver. A situation had occured at the last bar we were at and then I blacked out. When I finally came to my boyfriend lashed out at me and grabbed the wheel causing my blazer to roll over a few times and then we landed on all four tires. My buddy in the back somehow got me out of blazer, which was a two door, and ran for help. I frantically tried to get my bf out of the car to safety when another truck came up over the hill and hit us, throwing me 25 ft into a field. I never had to be told what happened to my bf. I already knew that he was gone. I watched him die in front me and I knew it was my fault because I chose to get behind that wheel and drive, even if he lashed out, but my problem is that after I went out there and tried to drink all my problems away, the day before my 1 year anniversary of the crash, I found out that my best friend growing up, died of a heroine overdose and that drove me over the edge yet again. So then on New Years of this year, '06, I finally got sober and have been for 11 months, but trying to deal with all of this being sober has been so hard and I don't know how to let go. I have this new boyfriend now who is really great and wicked good to me, and he knows all about what happened to me in '04 with my dead bf and then how I lost my friend, but I don't know how to ask him to just let me cry, or when I feel like crying and letting it out, I just suck it back in and bottle it up. Does that make sense to anybody? Thanks for listening.

Hi, kellenmsmith23. Nice to have you here in the forums.

Very sad, your story. I hope you'll hang in there.

Perhaps look into some grief support. If you're in a community of some size, there may be help nearby. Or online. Every little bit of support will help, a little.

hey thanks for your reply. I'll be sure to look into a grief support group somewhere out there.

I find your story to be inspiring. I feel that you need to be honest with your boyfriend, and tell him like you told us. Honesty is a big part of this program! Don't be scared, fear can rule your life if you let it. Remember you are worth it!!!!! Take Care

Thank you for responding. You're right, I will have to just tell him like it is and just cry if I feel like I need to cry and let it out.

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