Hi....I'm new to this message board and came into this section of it because I was curious about what CoDA is. As soon as I started reading the informative posts above, I knew this was for me. My mother was an alcoholic and also used drugs. She left when I was young, always promising to come see me at some point and never showing up. I had a nervous breakdown in high school....and even though I did well in my classes, dropped out of college after only a year. After dropping out, I drank heavily for two years. I quit on my own, mostly because I couldn't afford to continue, but until now, I've never looked into places such as this. I've been bouncing around from job to job ever since...talking about big dreams but never actually pursuing them.
My girlfriend and I have been getting into a lot of fights lately. She has insisted that I need to find help. I have doubted her...thinking there was nothing wrong with me. Recently, she told me that she would not speak to me again until I found the help I need.
I'm looking at the patterns of codepencence post right now....each and every one of these is me. I see these things in myself. I don't like some of these things about myself but I have never been able to figure out how to stop these behaviors. Lately, people around me have said that these things bother them about me as well.
I'm not sure why I'm rambling on like this. I think I'm scared. I'm afraid of spending my life this way. I'm afraid of doing things on my own but I'm afraid of asking for help too.
Thank you for reading this, anyone who has.