I'd just thought I'd start a little conversation about the First Step. Always a good place to start. At the beginning.
My first step was taken every day for a week. At least the first half of my firt step.
I was pregnent with my third child. Having lost the first two well before birth I decided I really wanted this one. Actually I had gone to London and thought I had lost it while there but when I got back I found I hadn't
So I wanted the baby really bad and no I wasn't married.
Lawdy, I was a full blown raging alcoholic at the time.
I had moved out of the baby's father's house 'cause I knew I didn't love him.
I was drinking heavily and having hallucinations and trying to work and living in yhe apartment of a friend who didn't really want me there in Riverdale, Maryland. Not a nice area. Dumpy apartment, lots of roaches running around or should I say running the place. (Could of carried the whole building away)
I was desperate, had no money and didn't want to go back to the father.
I knew my drinking was affecting the baby. I was getting scared. I had no insurance. And I was drunk constantly.
I gave up, a year before that when I was in Cleveland I tried to get AA help but no one wanted to go with me. Imagine that.
I surrendered. I asked God at one point, if there was a him could he help me now.
Well, on that note, I got the help. From somewhere the courage came to me to call a hot-line. They didn't have anything else in 1973 to call and even hot-lines where brand new.
The first night a young kid. (Hehe, now I was 28 at the time so I didn't really know from young but he sure sounded young.) Well, he said I would have to call back the next night as he had to try to get ahold of somebody. So I did, I managed to get up the courage to surrender again and I called again. Well, it seems he still hadn't gotten a hold of her, could I call again? Third night, Urica! So he gave me a number to call. I called it, she couldn't see me (she didn't think) right away, could I call her back tomorrow. Ok, Called her back the next night. By now admitting to myself nightly that I had a drinking problem was becoming routine. She said, "This is an ASAP Unit." Could you come in tomorrow night?
Oh yes, well by then I had even cut back some on the drinking. Not much but some. Enough to function. On into the ASSP Unit I go. First thing I realize is that this women doesn't know the first thing about alcoholics. I mean I didn't know anything about alcoholics and she knew less. BUT she directed me to call another lady in AA. She called it "her" nice little group up there in College Park. (Nice little group my foot, they took their alkies straight out of DC detox. Gangsters, Thieves, Robbers, Murders, it was wonderful, they were wonderful)
Well "Millie" came the NEXT night to get me and took me to my very first meeting. June 18, 1973. Yep, a smidge over 31 years now.
They put me in a beginners meeting. Haha, what did I know. They coulda put me on an alligators back and told me it would get me sober and I woulda said, "OK, I'll give it a try.
Oh, Epilogue, I lost that baby three months into the program, she lived 5 days. Hey and AA got me through it.
Let me tell you somehing though. That first step. Ya know I have always had trouble with the second half, to this day my life isn't real manageable. Somedays good, somedays bad.
But the first half of the First Step. Well really, I got that one pretty well down, one day at a time.
I mean, do you really think I want HP to but me through all that decsion making day after day again. NO Thank You. Its easier just to stay here.
