This is my story…….My husband is an alcoholic and he has been sober for 2 years now. His character is …..he was never a family person loves to be with his friends rather than family, loves to be on the internet rather than being with his children. Never shared household duties! Will only hurt me with his words if persist. We are married for 10 yrs. He quit hard liquor before our marriage and never touched it. But he slowly started developing passion for beer which became every day in latter part, may be 8 yrs of marriage. He was a normal person though whether he drank or not still fed the family and took care of the bills. I asked him to give up and have it only on Friday or during parties but he could n’t do so! Which led us to see a counselor! The counselor suggested him to go to AA. We had no idea about AA. I had no clue about co dependency etc… I was totally ignorant of it. He started attending the meetings every evening leave at 6 returned at 9.00 sometimes he would even attend two meetings or travel 30 miles to attend meetings. After 6 months I started developing concerns. What kind of a program is this? It’s taking the time away from family and I started arguing with him ….do you have to go every day? When he does n’t go I see him very irritated. His language can be really bad. During this recovery time about six month s some other concerns also started climbing like ……..he is to bitch about any thing that we had argued about or literally what ever we talk to his sponsors. The sponsors became his counselors and boast to me that he has told him about our last night drama so and so. Which really devastated me (he has never done this before)! I sent this man to this program to quit alcohol and not for bitching. Another thing that started going on was I felt like he was on call with his fellow men all the time, over phone arguing about somebody…….more like politics. He is a sincere follower of Big book but always complained about anybody who did n’t follow the book. More like bitching others (he is not doing the program right) I really could n’t feel like he was undergoing recovery. On contrary my heart was devastated even though I should be happy that he is not drinking. Even when he was 6 months sober, he started sponsoring people and used to say that’s the best way to work the program. After a year of going thru all these I told him to do these meeting 3 times a week b’cas it was clashing with other schedules. He still attends the meeting every day and tells me that he is not going there for himself but for others to pass the hope. I have no clue what he does there but sometime by over hearing the phone, I know that he had argued with people or literally fought. One more thing he does is if somebody sponsor is not good enough according to his standards he asks them to fire them and get a new one or suggest somebody which also includes women. He says he doesn’t sponsor women but advices them ask them to get a sponsor who follows the big book if the person is not a big book follower and just not a meeting maker. He hates people who says meeting makers make it. Getting involved with women even though not sponsoring is also a question to me????One other thing is my husband can be very obsessed (to an extreme) with any stuff he does. He thinks of AA all the time, if I ask him to switch or take another alternative due to these impacts I have been having, he asks me to leave with the kids. We have drifted really far away. I feel like this program has created a distance in between us. I am a very religious person and leave every thing to God but sometimes these feelings crawl up. Can some one please advice me or give suggestions…….. I am very devastated with what I am going thru!

Hello, Jack.

I'd suggest you try Al-Anon. Check to see if there is a meeting near you: http://www.al-anon.org

You might also want to try some Al-Anon online meetings if your schedule doesn't allow you to attend face-to-face meetings: http://www.ola-is.org

Al-Anon has helped millions of people with their relationships with alcoholics, recovered, recovering, or still drinking.

If there are "open" AA meetings where you live, you can attend some of those as well. It might be helpful for you to see what actually happens at meetings.

Hi Dean,

Thank you so much for your reply! I appreciate it. I will try your suggestions.