Hello out there. I have just moved to a new city with my partner, an alcoholic. She promised, (I know, I know) that she would stay sober and work the system before we moved. It was as usual a solomn oath, I told her I would not sign a lease with her, or make the move if she wasn't ready willing and able to work on her sobriety. Since our move we have been going to meetings together, she even got her first chip. Then, of course, I leaver her alone for a day and come home to find her drunk. She has overdrafted our accounted behind my back, and while drunk admitted that she has been drinking all along, stealing from me, lieing to me, and hiding alcohol. And of course the next day we talked about how terrible she felt, how awful it is what she did, how hurt and scared I was. I then went to my first Al-anon meeting. THere I learned how, by going to meetings with her, by looking up meetings, by encouraging her to go and get a sponser, by pressuring her to stand up and get her chip I have been enabling. I have been reading the literature, and I have been trying to break my unhealthy habits. But jesus if I am not just walking around with a rage I can't get rid of. Here I am, alone in a new city, broke because of her, stuck in a lease and stuck with her, because of her lies, and I just can't get rid of these feelings of blame, and these resentmets. I hate my new home because it is a home of lies. I hate my life because I am in a dysunftional abusive relationship. And now, she has not gone to a meeting since her slip, she has not called anyone, or done a single thing, not one thing to help herself or deal with this. She has a friend in recovery with whom she spoke on the night of her relapse, who keeps calling and she will not take his calls. Everytime the phone rings and she doesn't pick up I boil. I want to yell at her " go to a meeting, ask for help, talk to your friend, take a walk, do one god damn thing to help yourself" but I know that I can't, so instead here I am. Please help me I just don't know what to do. I can't live her denial I can't live here and just allow her to do nothing while she destroys me, but I have no where to go, I feel hopless and helpless, and totally out of control.

Keep going to Al-Anon.

You'll have to start your life anew, either with her or without her.

Just as you can't make her get well, no one else is going to have any magic words that are going to heal her either.

It's time -- right now -- to start your new life.