Uh, Oh,
A sensitive touchy feely topic.
Oh, MEN, you can insert female and she where I put he and male and he where I put she. Oh you'll figure it out.

As I have said beofre, I am now living with my x husband.
We have no plans to remarry.
It's just that it's like wearing an old shoe.
I did not like living alone. No fun unh uh not at all.
So, I decided I don't have a lot to say about relationships right now.

My next favorite topic?
Someone elses relationship.
My friend that has just moved down here to Florida from Maryland.
Oh what a smart girl she is.
She has lots of sobriety.
There is a guy, the guy likes her-------to much.
The clingy type. Well I kind of knew this already as I dated him ONCE about two years ago and on the first date he kissed me and wanted to talk about a sexual relationship. Ok, OH NO. Well my friend was smart enough to pick up on the neediness and has told him she will only go out with him as a friend.

Ahh, what does this have to do with alcoholism?
My friend has learned by practicing this prgram.
She has learned that her emotions are not always in agreeance with her head.
She has learned that she attracts needy men.
She has learned that she wants a normal man.

I have another firend with long term sobriety that gave me a little advice.
She said, "After years of advice from sponsors and years of doing a fourth and tenth step, that the way to figure out what you want is to sit down and "list" the things you want.
Seem cold and calculating? Not really I tried it. Just a few things. It works.
She said that she married her husband after making this list.
She had wanted a civil servant that came home every night and saved money and wanted secutiry and, and, and.
It didn't matter. She got some of what she wanted and didn't get other things she wanted.
She said the important thing was that it clearified what she was looking for and left her with more time to work on her feelings and the relationship itself rather then worrying all the time about how she was affecting the other person. She was also able to delete some people up front, knowing they would never fit the criteria.

I would like to live in a fantasy world, hope and pray the man/woman of my dreams would walk through the door. Unh, uh, not going to happen.
The reality of life is we need to wake up and look at our choices in a mate.

Oddly, AA has taught me this.
Just like it taught both my friends.
When I don't run off looking for a miracle, sometimes I find the miracle right under my nose.
AA taught me that also. I now keep my ears open and my mouth closed and I try to follow the advice of those that I can see have successful AA marriages.
AA is not a relationship counselor.
But if I pay attention and stick with the relationship winners I just may learn how to do it right the next time.
PamW

I have 17 months and am in step 5.

I am trying to discover what it is: sober relashionships.

My favorite type of guy was always an alkie. My long time boyfriend was an alkie and we would got drunk together, we were good buddies.

But I married a sober alkie. He is been sober all this 7 years. He was sober before met me and probably will be after me. We dont know if we will stay together. While I was drinking we could blame our problems in my wet behavior, even in my dry drunk one when i was in my short dry periods, but without work the program.

Now I am doing the program. I go to meetings, I have sponsor, I am doing the steps, I read the AA literature.

I am learning a new way of life!

Listing a few things: 1) it is possible to be happy with what I have (I always thought it was necessary to want more and more and what I have was never enough); 2) do the next right thing (great for me, who always had all the big projects, but would miss some simple things in the daily base, and they could be vital!); 3) God will provide! (always thought it was just a fair tale that only dumn ones would believe... how much time I lost worring about everything without trust a HP); 4) do not drink, don't matter what! ( I would drink for any reason)...

I am learning how to deal with myself! I never knew how to handle my fears, my anxiety, my judgement!

So life is becoming better! I am accepting the joy and the grieve, the sunny and the rainning days. I reach out for help and my AA friends are there, and I want to be there for other AAs too.

One thing that I don't believe or expect for is the "normal" guy (what is it?) or the sucessful marriages (you mean the ones that are holding still?), because wet or dry I never saw this things.

I can't cure the romantic in me, or maybe I don't want the cure for that. I like illusions and fantasies... as long I am not drunkie, they are just part of my being. Once a famous driver (races) said that a person in his life would be a person that life brings and not a decision of his own. Took me many years and getting sober to finally understand that. In his way he was saying there is a HP and thy will not my be done. I just have to do the next right thing.

Getting sober and understanding myself better I can see what is going on in my marriage. Maybe things can be worked out, maybe not. But either way, can't blame on that drink anymore. I found out that not drinking I still have tendences to behave in certain ways. The diference is that now I am aware of it and I can choose and change.

One of gifts of sobriety is freedom Be able to change and rebuild self means freedom.

Thanks for let me share!


Lucia

Hi Inga,
Well, I goofed.
I am moderator for this topic and I deleted your message by mistake.
I am sooo sorry.
Try again please.
If I remember rightly you were talking about a guy you
just dumped cause it is the smarter thing to do.
I agree.
Luckily my X is not the problem in our relationwhip.
If there is a problem it is probably me
That just means I have to practice my program more.
So tell me more.
Hugs,
PamW