Hi,

I've been married now for 17 years. I love my husband very much. He is a kind and gentle man. We have 2 beautiful daughters, 12 and 9 years old. He has always drank beer since I've known him. He has gotten drunk a few times too. What bothers me is that he needs to drink everyday. It might not be an excessive amount but still the fact remains that he needs a drink every day. Both my father-in-law and father are alcoholics and I am afraid he is headed in the same direction.
We've had several arguments over his drinking. I know he has a problem. Perhaps not as bad as some people out there but he still has a problem. I have this dilema going on in my head wondering if it's me or him.
This ordeal is driving me crazy and don't know how to deal with it.
Help!

Hi Sandra,
What do you mean by "he drinks every day?"
I know a lot of people who drink every day but aren't alcoholics.
I knew I was an alcohoolic, not because of a mother and father who drank (because they didn't) but because of a Great Uncle and Great Grandfather that were institutionalized for alcoholism long before there was AA and long before it
was understood to be a disease.
Therefore I have a genetic predisposition toward alcohlism.

BUT; I had a father-in-law who drank every day but never destroyed his family.
Worked everyday, was a pillar in his community and was very well thought of. He didn't get DUI's, he didn't land in jail, he generally didn't cause trouble. Sometimes at night he would drink himslef to sleep. That's about the worse of it.

I think accusing someone of being alcoholic is a dangerous business.
Alcoholics are notorious for being reactionary. If you tell us it's Black we'll not only tell you it's White, we'll set about to prove it.
If your going to say something to him I would try to remember that he
may react and drink worse, not put his drink down.

Why don't you try Al-anon. They can explain to you, not only how alcoholics react to things but just exactly where and when you can help and how you are involved.
One way or the other Good Luck,
And come back here if you need more help.
Hugs,
PamW

Al-anon is a free place to go when you are dealing with questions about alcohol. I am an alcoholic, but didn't drink everyday. If alcohol affects your life in any way ...it is a problem. The way it hurt my life was I was very inconsistant in my emotions. Happy one day, but not the next. Socialable one day, but not the next. Loved my hubbie or boyfriend one day, but not the next. I did not realize alcohol controled my emotions.

I agree with you Kathy. I too had my emotions controlled. And that only made me want to go out and drink more. I was denying myself real happiness that could have been felt with deep communication instead of alcohol.