Here's the deal....my brother is an alcoholic. My mother paid for an extensive, and expensive trip to rehab and thinks he is totally sober.
He admitted to me last week that he had a glass of wine every now and then - but don't tell mom. He has a long history of lying to everyone to make himself look better, or to diminish the problem, so I would imagine that was a rosy colored version of the truth.
Then, I found out from a mutual friend that he was WASTED at his office Christmas party. Competely off the wagon, totally embarrassed himself and put his job in jeopardy. The first one he's ever had by the way at age 34.
I need to know if I should tell my mother, or let her continue to believe that he is sober. Here are the circumstances that I am weighing in my head:
She is still helping him finanacially, I believe under the condiditons that he stays sober. She will never find out about this if I don't tell her.
In addition, she continually pressures me to build a relationship under the pretext that "he is changed and is better"...hard to do when i know it's not true.
In the past, when he has been really drinking heavily, he has been violent towards myself and her, and even had a psychotic break once that put him in a county institution for 20 days.
Do I tell her? Or do i butt out and mind my own business. I don't know enough about his life to know if this was a one time thing that he's going to try to come back from, but the fact that he told me he was drinking again casually, and asked me to keep it from mom indicated to me that he is not doing the AA thing anymore....
help.
Full Version: Brother Slipping From Aa - Do I Tell?
Hi,
My name is Vicki and I am an alcoholic in continuous daily recovery. My suggestion is that sometimes we have to do the loving thing. Tough love. This is an honest program. The first step is exactly as it says. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Perhaps you should talk to him about the first step again and see how he reacts. Then make your decision about mom.
Vicki
My name is Vicki and I am an alcoholic in continuous daily recovery. My suggestion is that sometimes we have to do the loving thing. Tough love. This is an honest program. The first step is exactly as it says. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Perhaps you should talk to him about the first step again and see how he reacts. Then make your decision about mom.
Vicki
Hi Betty, 
The best way to deal with a practicing alcoholic is
to check with Al-anon. Al-anon on line is at http://www.al-anon.org or
http://www.ola-is.org. Either one would be helpful. Or look Al-anon up in
your phone book and go to a meeting. They can tell you exactly what to do
and not to do. Alcoholics are a funny breed. We are generally reactors, not actors. So when you push our buttons it just makes things worse. If you go to an al-anon meeting they can explain to you how to "not" push our buttons.
I wish you all the best.
Also if you go to the links page from our home page here you might find other
helpful services.
Hope this helps.
PamW
The best way to deal with a practicing alcoholic is
to check with Al-anon. Al-anon on line is at http://www.al-anon.org or
http://www.ola-is.org. Either one would be helpful. Or look Al-anon up in
your phone book and go to a meeting. They can tell you exactly what to do
and not to do. Alcoholics are a funny breed. We are generally reactors, not actors. So when you push our buttons it just makes things worse. If you go to an al-anon meeting they can explain to you how to "not" push our buttons.
I wish you all the best.
Also if you go to the links page from our home page here you might find other
helpful services.
Hope this helps.
PamW
QUOTE(VickiLynn @ Dec 10 2004, 01:46 PM)
Hi,
My name is Vicki and I am an alcoholic in continuous daily recovery. My suggestion is that sometimes we have to do the loving thing. Tough love. This is an honest program. The first step is exactly as it says. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Perhaps you should talk to him about the first step again and see how he reacts. Then make your decision about mom.
Vicki
My name is Vicki and I am an alcoholic in continuous daily recovery. My suggestion is that sometimes we have to do the loving thing. Tough love. This is an honest program. The first step is exactly as it says. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable. Perhaps you should talk to him about the first step again and see how he reacts. Then make your decision about mom.
Vicki
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Hi Vicki,
How do I go about getting some help. My husband is an alcoholic and refused to discuss his problem with me at all! This frustrates me and I act out, hoping this will make him realize what he is doing to him, us and our marriage, but this method makes him drink more. What can I do? Please, please help me!
QUOTE(PamW @ Dec 10 2004, 08:15 PM)
Hi Betty,
The best way to deal with a practicing alcoholic is
to check with Al-anon. Al-anon on line is at http://www.al-anon.org or
http://www.ola-is.org. Either one would be helpful. Or look Al-anon up in
your phone book and go to a meeting. They can tell you exactly what to do
and not to do. Alcoholics are a funny breed. We are generally reactors, not actors. So when you push our buttons it just makes things worse. If you go to an al-anon meeting they can explain to you how to "not" push our buttons.
I wish you all the best.
Also if you go to the links page from our home page here you might find other
helpful services.
Hope this helps.
PamW
The best way to deal with a practicing alcoholic is
to check with Al-anon. Al-anon on line is at http://www.al-anon.org or
http://www.ola-is.org. Either one would be helpful. Or look Al-anon up in
your phone book and go to a meeting. They can tell you exactly what to do
and not to do. Alcoholics are a funny breed. We are generally reactors, not actors. So when you push our buttons it just makes things worse. If you go to an al-anon meeting they can explain to you how to "not" push our buttons.
I wish you all the best.
Also if you go to the links page from our home page here you might find other
helpful services.
Hope this helps.
PamW
[snapback]284[/snapback]
Hi Pam W,
This is the best advise I have found while reading the email. I will be contacting my local Alanon organization as soon as possible. I hope I continue to hear from you so that I can continue to be incouraged as I seek help for myself
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