Children,
Specifically my children, both born after I joined AA. Both now 25 and 29 years old.
Lawdy, "I" have a twenty nine year old? Mercy, I'm sorry I am WAY to young.
This is about my youngest child. The twenty five year old.
He is angry at me. He has been angry at me. He had VERY good reason
to be angry at me. I did something almost unforgiveable. Well, not quite but
close.
He was upset, I was upset.
That was over two years ago.I did the hardest thing I have ever done. I couldn't do anything to correct the
problem at the time so I said, "I am sorry, I was wrong."
He tolerated me marginally for a while then cut off communication entirely.
I "Let go and Let God."
I did my tenth step and my eleventh step. I did my best to correct the problem,
then I did the eighth and ninth steps.
Then when he wouldn't talk to me, I turned it over to God.
I had done what I could that is all I can do. I did my best.
I was told when I got here that the only thing I can really do about the awful
things I did in my past was to take an inventory, tell God and another human being, make an apology and an amends if need be.
Then when you are done with the amends,
walk away, they don't owe you anything, not a thank you, not a "wow aren't you brave, not forgiveness.
Forgiveness is between you and God anyway.
I did those things, that was two years ago. I heard the barest minimum for two
years. I LET GO and LET GOD, like I was taught to do.
When I was worried about him I had to ask his brother.
I recently had to send him a note because his Grandma and Grandpa were worried about him,
I asked him not to upset them, they had never done anything to hurt him, it was just me.
This note to him had to go through his brother.
Last week I recieved an email from him. He wasn't angry with me.
Hasn't been angry with me for a while. He just wanted to let me know that
he was going to visit Grandma and Grandpa over Christmas and then on to Chicago where he had gone to college for a while.
He hadn't talked to me because he just had to many pressures in his own life
and needed to take care of them and not involve me.
I love my children deeply,
I am so grateful that they were both brought up as "AA Babys." They were both brought up with knowledge of the program.
My son and I would still be fighting if they hadn't been.
We both did the next right thing, therefore we still love and care about
each other.
Thank You HP for this program of AA and for teaching me and my children how to live correctly.
PamW