many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcholic home or other dysfuntional households.
we had come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people especially authority figures.
to protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. all the same we would mistake any personla criticism as a threat.
we either became alcoholics ourselves, or married them, or both.
failing that, we found other compulsive personalities such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.
we lived life from the standpoint of victims.
having an over developed sense of responsiblity, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves.
we got guilt feelings when we trusted ourselves, giving in to others.
be became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initative.
we were dependant personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally.
we keep choosing inscure relationships because they match our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.
these symptoms of the disease of alcholism or other dysfunction made us co-victims, those who take on the characterisitics without nessessarily ever taking a drink, we learn to keep our feelings down as children and keep them buried as adults.
as a result of this conditioning we often confuse love with pity, tending to love those who we could rescue.
even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitment in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable solutions.
this is a discription, not an indictment
...............
the sloution
is to become your own loving parent
as ACoA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past.
you will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions.
you will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.
the healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation.
feelings and buried memories will return.
by gradually releasing the burden of the unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past.
we learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor,love and respect.
this progress allows us to see our boilogical parents as the instruments of our exsistence.
our actual parent is a higher power whom some of us choose to call god.
although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our higher power gave us the 12 steps of recovery.
this is the action and work that heals us: we use the steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone.
we share our experiance,strength, and hope with each other.
we learn to restructure our sick thinking one day at a time.
when we release our parents from responsiblity for our actions today, we becaome free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors.
we progress from hurting to healing to helping.
we awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
by attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that affects you as a childand continues to affect you as an adult.
you will learn to focus on yourself in the here and now.
you will take responsiblity for your own life and suppy your own parenting.
you will not do this alone.
look around you and you will ee others who know just how you feel.
we love and encourage you no matter what.
we ask that you accept us, just as we accept you.
this is a spiritual program based on action coming from love.
we are sure that as the love grows inside of you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with your higher power,yourself and your parents.