powerlessness.

realizing we are stuck.
it makes no sense to keep trying to solve the problem with "solutions" that aren't working.


hi guys,
hope you are well.


love in recovery
irish

this is exactly what i feel now. i want to come up with a solution. i want to create a situation where my dad will take control of himself and his life and his fights with my mom will cease affecting us kids. i am the youngest and i am 28. i live 2000 miles away from my parents and their drama still drives me crazy.

i don't know who to believe. dad is reticent and angry. mom is shrill and reactionary. she told me to find an ACoA group so here i am.

i'm angry with her, i'm angry with him. he is killing himself! the selfish b@*$*@d doesn't he know we love him? doesn't he know we want his grandchildren to grow up loving him?

he's such an awesome guy... when he's sober. mom told me today for the first time that he often vomits and has digestive issues. i'm afraid that his alcoholism is in the last stages. i'm afraid he may not be around much longer.

but i don't want to accept that there is nothing i can do. i don't want to resign myself. i don't want to be hopeless.

i want to grab him and shake him and frighten him. i want to do the same with mom.

but what the hell do i know? they've been doing their sick dance for almost 50 years. will it make any difference? should i even try? should i do it anyway just so i can know i did?

i keep thinking: what if i invited him to come live with me? he's a good roommate. he can help coach my nieces' soccer teams. he can do volunteer work. he can hang out with me and my friends. he'd be out of the house and away from mom. maybe he'd be able to cut back....

but... ######... i'm not willing to keep a dry house. my S.O. wouldn't either. then again maybe i would for the sake of my dad. but would all this be a solution or just another distraction?

which makes me think... i want a beer. i think i'll eat a mango and take my prescription instead.